When we first started staying at home, social distancing and flattening the curve, there seemed to be an almost immediate polarization between people. On one side were those who lived alone and suddenly found themselves isolated and bored without any human contact whatsoever. On the other side were those who were in loud, crowded places with lots of little ones and older ones and furry ones running around, not allowing even five minutes of solitude or quiet. Both groups quickly lamented their respective situations and longed for the proverbial greener grass of the other side. Too much contact or not enough. Too much quiet or not enough. Too much or not enough. No happy medium or peace to be found in the middle.
I like clarity. I have spent a near lifetime trying to avoid the gray and get to the black or white. I do not naturally function well in gray and have always preferred the certainty of disappointment to the vague possibility of hope. I have always longed to know what the right answer was, assuming there was one. The time and energy I have spent longing for my fairy godmother to take me out of that gray and show me the way, to show me the way, when several ways were always there to be found and created.
Life is not meant to be lived in extremes, during a pandemic or otherwise. The truth, the joy, the peace, always, always lies somewhere in the middle. It has taken me a long time not just to accept this, but to appreciate this and embrace it. That there is great value in balance even if it does come at a cost of conviction. That the tradeoff for assurance and resolution is possibility and hope. And now, like always, our joy, our health and our sanity can be and must be found somewhere in the middle.
When it comes to work, we have not done a great job of finding that balance. Currently, too many people are working far too much and others are not working nearly enough, if at all. For those working too much, boundaries have all but disappeared, screen time is nearly constant, and they are absolutely and utterly exhausted.
Then there are those who are not working enough and are in a state of financial panic. They want to be working and cannot for any number of reasons. For some, they may be able to work but they have no solution for child care. There is so much financial stress individually and nationally. I wonder how we will ever recover.
Too much work. Not enough work. Too much. Not enough.
When it comes to our physical and mental health, there is also a kind of polarization happening- where people are treating this pandemic like any other time and others who are absolutely paralyzed by it. Some people continue to go about life as they always have, making no adjustments whatsoever while others have no semblance of normalcy left at all. Some are going out too much and others have not felt the sun on their face for weeks. Too much fear and too much recklessness are both causing too much damage and harm.
Too much concern. Not enough concern. Too much. Not enough.
This concept of extremes is certainly not new to COVID19, but it is as good a time as any to remind ourselves why the answer almost always lies in the middle. That almost nothing is always or never anything and that our understanding of balance is essential to our health and sanity. This balance will not generally be found at a perfect 50%, but it is so rarely at 0 or 100. If ever.
When it comes to the rest of our lives, our pre-COVID/post-COVID lives- our relationships, our money, our leadership, our health, our self-image- it is all about balance. Sometimes it will be 60/40 and other times 20/80. What that balance looks like may change over time as we do, and it is important to recognize, wherever we are and wherever we set our sights on being, that too much of a good thing can be just as challenging as too much of a bad one. That striving for all or nothing is a losing game. That the real victory is in the balance, lying somewhere in the middle.
As you continue to navigate your way through this pandemic, continue to strive for balance. With your work, with your indulging, with your joy and with your sadness.
Do not expect too much of yourself and make sure you taking care of yourself.
Do not feel that you need to be happy all the time but do not linger too long in your sadness.
Indulge in food and drinks and trashy shows but do not spend all your time and energy there. Doing healthy, positive things helps us feel healthy and positive. And so do moments of feeling whatever it is that we feel.
No, we do not need to learn Mandarin or write the next great American novel, but we can. We can do all of it. Some of us have more free time than we know what to do with. We can use this time for good, in lots of big and small ways.
We can work on our relationships by connecting, reconnecting, apologizing and forgiving, and asking for forgiveness for our own complicated selves.
We can use this time to clean out closets and cupboards and old mindsets that do not serve us well.
We can work on making our own lives better and help those in need.
We can do whatever we choose. We always could and we always can. But too much drive and push and expectation can hurt us as well. We need rest. Lord, do we need rest. Not too much. Not too little. Somewhere in the middle.
So how are you doing? I mean, how are you really doing? your mental health, your physical health, your relationships, your money, your calling, your happiness, your joy? Where do you need to recalibrate and balance yourself out? Where are you clinging to an extreme that does not serve you? Where are you holding on too tightly for the sake of definitive, assuring all-or-nothingness? Where do you need to let go? Where do you need to shift? Where do you need to balance? Where can you start today?
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If you need help finding your balance, reach out: CoachKat@katherinespinney.com or 703-688-2394.
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