I got my first paying job in third grade at a local consignment shop, picking up pins, tags, and the little plastic pieces that attach the tags to clothes. All for a whopping $2 a night. Since then, I have had countless jobs: full-time, part-time, and contract; retail, restaurant, and public sector; wonderful, horrible, and somewhere in between. Within these jobs, I have had countless supervisors, wonderful, horrible, and somewhere in between. As a supervisor myself, I have been wonderful, horrible, and somewhere in between, sometimes all at once.
Initially drawn to role and organization, I soon realized how impactful the role of supervisor is on overall work experience. As a result, Katherine Spinney Coaching LLC was born to help both supervisors and those supervised by them have a more positive and impactful work experience.
Focusing on the role of team leader, I developed workshops, coaching programs, resources, blog posts, and courses to help people supervise their team members more effectively. And very quickly, something I had not anticipated happened. Very quickly, the supervisors I was supporting started asking how to more effectively work with their own supervisors. Over and over again, the question and challenge of managing up remained, a challenge that is present whether you are a supervisor or not.
How do I deal with my own supervisor?
And, more specifically,
What do I do if I have a bad supervisor?
This question is as universal as it is nuanced. Supervisors can be “bad” in so many different ways, and one person’s bad may be another person’s dream. In some cases- likely more than I care to think about- supervisors are horrible to and for everyone they supervise. It is not a matter of opinion or personal preference, but instead, an unmistakable misfortune that everyone is subjected to.
What do I do if my supervisor is egregiously bad?
Do they lack integrity? Are they unethical? Are they saying or doing anything illegal? Does their behavior lack honesty, transparency, and basic human decency? Do they make decisions based on unethical / illegal prejudices, stereotypes, and beliefs? Do they treat you unfairly? Are they simply and egregiously bad?
In these types of cases, you want to be thoughtful about whether you want to approach your supervisor directly or go to your HR and/or their direct supervisor (if they have one) instead. This decision will have implications for you, and potentially serious ones at that. Despite whistleblower policies intended to protect you from backlash, the reality is that people are often unfairly targeted after speaking up, so you want to protect yourself as much as possible as you advocate for yourself. Whether it is right or not, you may experience repercussions for your actions, so remember to protect yourself at all costs.
What do I do if my supervisor is incompetent?
Are they simply unfit for the position? Do they lack the skills they need to be an effective supervisor? Can they learn? Most supervisors are not taught, trained, or coached on how to be effective supervisors and struggle as a result. I certainly did. If you have the sense that they want to be better and just do not know how, this is something you can work with. Ideally, you would not have to. Ideally, you would have a supervisor with all the skills to support you in the way you want and need. In reality, you will likely have to invest a lot of time and energy into getting what you want and need from an incompetent supervisor. Hopefully, if they have the desire to improve, this investment will decrease over time.
With an incompetent but willing supervisor, you can help them meet your needs. Ask for what you need. Tell them what you need. If you want to meet with them more frequently, be the one to set it up. If you would like more feedback from them, solicit it. If you want more professional growth opportunities, seek them out and ask for approval. It would be great if you had a supervisor who offered all of this, but if you do not and you are willing to put in the work, you may be able to get what you need anyway.
What do I do if my supervisor just does not care?
In many cases, people are put into supervisory positions without any interest in being there. In most cases, no one ever bothered to ask them, and they never bothered to think about it. The supervisory part of their new position is incidental, costly collateral damage on their way to a higher title and salary.
If you have a supervisor like this, there may not be any hope of them getting better, but you still might be able to get what you need. Often, uninvested supervisors are also negligent supervisors. If you are able to do your job happily and effectively while doing it independently, then I encourage you to do so. You might not get the support you need from them, but you may be able to get it elsewhere. For example, if you would like more coaching or feedback and they are not interested in giving it, will they approve funding for you to get your own coach or mentor? If they are not willing to provide professional growth for you, can you be reimbursed for opportunities you find on your own? If you are able to get what you need from someone else, is that enough for you?
What do I do if my supervisor is getting in my way?
Sometimes supervisors are the obstacle, whether intentionally or unintentionally. Sometimes they will sabotage you, intentionally or unintentionally. They can do this in any number of ways, including withholding essential information; stalling processes that need to move forward; neglecting to provide feedback, coaching, and professional growth opportunities for you; not advocating for what you need; and not putting you up for a raise or promotion.
If they are sabotaging you intentionally, you want to carefully consider whether you want to address it with them directly or go to their own supervisor and/or your HR department instead. If they are doing it unintentionally, this is a good, albeit intimidating opportunity to talk with them about it. Share the effect of their actions and if possible present some suggestions for how to make it better. Different supervisors will have different levels of willingness to listen, and few will have the willingness to act, but you will not know until you try it. If you have tried and nothing is improving, it may be time to consider seeking out another supervisor whether that is at your current job or at a different one.
What do I do if my supervisor and I are just not a good fit?
In most cases, a judgment of good and bad comes down to compatible working styles, communication styles, temperament, or personality. Is this the case with your supervisor? Are you constantly experiencing challenges working together? Do you never seem to be on the same page? Is every interaction a chore because you are just not compatible? It might not be that either one of you is at fault, but simply that it is a bad match. In this case, are there areas you can continue to work through together, frustrating as this may be? If it is simply too much for you to handle, are you able to request a new supervisor, department, or position? If not, is it enough for you to start searching for a new job?
Your relationship and experience with your direct supervisor is one of, if not the most salient components of your job satisfaction. If you find that you have a supervisor who is not a good fit for you- or in some cases, not a fit for anyone- you will need to ask yourself some tough questions about what you would like to do about it. In most cases, this is likely not something you will want to or even be able to ignore. Generally, a supervisor will have a tremendous impact on your work experience, so if they are not a good supervisor for you, it is likely that your overall work experience will be negatively impacted. Again, this is not universal. You may decide that it is unfortunate but something you are able to live with, in which case, there is not much you need to do. If you are satisfied and fulfilled despite the poor supervision you are receiving, then keep on being satisfied and fulfilled. If you are not, however, you have more questions to consider.
It is easy to get bogged down in what should be- and I empathize with the frustration of not receiving the supervision you deserve- but this will not help you get what you want and need. As with all relationships, even one with an amazing supervisor, you have a level of responsibility to cultivate that relationship. With a less than amazing supervisor, this becomes more challenging and onerous.
Whatever you are experiencing with your supervisor, be sure to self-reflect and get some outside perspective on what you are experiencing and how you should proceed. There will never be a perfect supervisor. Is it possible you are expecting that perfection? Are you putting all of the responsibility on your supervisor to make the relationship work? How are you contributing to what is going on? What agency do you have to make it better? That agency may be talking with your supervisor directly, approaching HR, or even quitting. All of these are easier said than done, I know, but you are not helpless. It may be unpleasant, and it may take longer than you would like, but you do have the ability to do something about your situation. Constantly complaining without action does no one any good.
As a professional, it is your responsibility to cultivate and navigate your work relationships. How you cultivate and navigate your relationship with your supervisor will have a significant impact on your ability to do your job effectively and happily. So, as you reconsider your challenges with your supervisor, what are you willing to do to make them better? If you are also a supervisor, what can you do to ensure you are supervising as effectively as possible for others?
