SCENARIO 1
I’ve been at an organization for a couple of months when my uncle dies. I remember something about a company bereavement policy but don’t remember the details and don’t think much about it as I try to book a flight and make arrangements. My boss is away when this happens so I send an email explaining the situation and completing the week’s timesheet before I go. I explain that I don’t know how to code bereavement and that I’ll be gone for one day. When I come back from the weekend, there is a piece of paper waiting for me at my desk. It is a copy of the organization’s bereavement policy. On it, my boss has written that, per the policy, uncles are not covered and I am not allowed to use my day off as bereavement. My boss never says a word to me about it.
SCENARIO 2
I’ve been at an organization for a couple of months when a close friend dies. I remember something about a company bereavement policy but don’t remember the details and don’t think much about it as I try to book a flight and make arrangements. My boss is away when this happens so I send an email explaining the situation and completing the week’s timesheet before I go. I explain that I don’t know how to code bereavement and that I’ll be gone for one day. When I come back from the weekend, my boss comes into my office, offers his condolences and lets me know that if I need more time, I should take it. No questions asked.
After each of the above instances, I never feel the same about either organization ever again.
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There is currently no federal requirement for organizations to provide bereavement leave, and at present, Oregon is the only state that legally mandates it. Despite this, nearly 90% of employers provide some type of bereavement leave. These policies vary by the number of days off allotted, whether the time off is paid and whose deaths are covered. It is up to your individual organization how to design its bereavement policy and whether or not to have one at all (except in Oregon). As a guideline, the Society of Human Resources Management has recommended up to 3 days of paid leave for immediate family, 1 day for other family members and 4 hours for a co-worker. Four bloody hours. To grieve for someone who, quite possibly, is the closest person in your employee’s life. Think about that for a moment.
Policies are important for a number of practical reasons as well as legal ones. It is not only important but required that employers follow employment laws and that they enforce policies fairly and equally. Differences in pay, benefits and working conditions are at best a cause of employee dissatisfaction and resentment. At worst, they are illegal. Employers are aware of and afraid of lawsuits resulting from discrimination and other illegal practices, and the easiest way to prevent these lawsuits is to develop legal policies that are clear and objective and enforced equally for all employees.
There is an ease and practicality to these one-size-fits-all policies but in practice, they rarely fit all equally. Inherently, one-size-fits-all policies, despite being implemented equally, affect different people differently. In most cases, workplace policies such as bereavement ones, succeed in being equitable but fail miserably in terms of being fair. When something as drastic as a death occurs, people will not all react the same, because that’s not the way life and people work. Our workplace policies, including our bereavement ones must be beneficial to and considerate of all the employees they are designed for. Unfortunately, most bereavement policies fail to take this into consideration. Most bereavement policies lack humanity, and policies that lack humanity are shitty policies. A policy that determines a sibling’s death is more worthy of grieving time than a cousin’s presupposes a number of things that will frequently not be true. For some people, one day is sufficient to grieve and for others weeks are not enough. Some employees will not be the least bit affected by an unpaid day off while others’ lives will be drastically altered by it. Being clear and objective may make it easy to implement a policy but it doesn’t mean it supports your employees at a time when they likely need it most.
Since death and grieving are two of the most challenging and personal experiences we have in life, how we handle them as employers says a lot about how we view and treat our employees as the individuals and human beings they are. If we devise these policies to be cold, professional and unfeeling, that is exactly how they will be received. If we tell our employees that their uncle’s death does not qualify as worthy of a paid day off, we let our employees know exactly how we view and treat them. We let them know how much we value them and care about them as people and we force them to question how much they should care about us.
So what do we do about it?
It is unlikely, if not impossible, to design any policy, including a bereavement one, that is equally fair and beneficial to every employee who works for you. But there is a way to make your bereavement policy more flexible and understanding. There is a way to show your employees that you care about them as people, not just staff and that you are making an effort to support them as best you can.
Make time off paid– When people are grieving, there is a natural amount of stress that accompanies the process. In addition to the loss of a loved one, there may be the additional responsibilities of making arrangements, traveling to services and hosting family. Many of these responsibilities will incur financial costs and in many cases, significant ones. Losing a day (or more) of pay during the grieving process will only add to this stress. Budget accordingly for this and provide some level of paid time off for your staff during an already difficult time.
Get rid of the list– In your bereavement policy, eliminate the list of whose death qualifies. Whatever number of days you choose to allow, allow it for a loved one’s death and leave it alone. It is not up to you to determine whose death warrants paid time off.
Get rid of designations altogether– Another approach is to eliminate designations of time off altogether. Instead of personal, vacation, sick, bereavement and whatever other subcategory you have included in your time off dropdown options, why not consider just give a certain amount of paid time off, and let your employees, as adults, determine how they want to use it?
Provide support– Whatever amount of bereavement days you end up offering and whatever amount your staff ends up taking, it is likely that the grieving process will outlast the allotted time staff have been given to grieve. As employees return from their bereavement leave, provide ongoing support as needed. In some cases, this may be something formal like counseling sessions and in other cases it may be you checking in on them or taking them for a cup of coffee.
Be human– Whatever your policy ends up looking like, be empathetic and human. Understand that your employees are people first and that everyone grieves differently. Recognize that there is no clear designation between our personal lives and our professional ones and that more often than not, one crosses over into the other. Support the different was your employees will experience this process. Some may come back and hit the ground running. Others may lag behind. You may be their supervisor but you are also a person first. Act like one.
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Often we try to persuade organizations to do the right thing by showing them how it will benefit their bottom line. In the case of bereavement policies, this could be an effective strategy. Supported, cared for staff are far more likely to stick around, and this reduced staff turnover will positively affect your bottom line. But sometimes- most times- doing the right thing just because it’s the right thing to do matters. Treating your employees with respect matters. When it comes to your organization’s bereavement policy, do the right thing- if only just this once- just because it’s the right thing to do.
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