When we become supervisors for the first time, we tend to focus our energy on how to best manage our teams. Shortly thereafter, however, we begin to realize how challenging it can be to suddenly be caught in the middle between managing up and down at the same time. Even though we have had previous experience trying to work effectively with our own managers, the new and weighty responsibility of supervising others magnifies the challenges of what we most commonly call “managing up”.
The problem many of us run into when we try to more effectively manage up is that we focus almost exclusively on what it is that we want. We work to find our voice and gather our courage to ask for what we need. When this is not honored, we become frustrated and spend far too much energy complaining that our boss just doesn’t get it. Or that he is a big, fat jerk. Or that she simply doesn’t care. In some cases, bosses are big, fat jerks and we are left to decide whether we want to continue working with them. In other cases, it is true that our supervisors just don’t get it. And in many other cases, they simply don’t care. But not in the way we often attribute. In many cases, we simply care about different things. Understanding this is at the center of working more effectively with those who supervise us.
ADJUST YOUR COMMUNICATION
Learning to communicate effectively with different people requires a willingness and ability to adjust our style. Sometimes we do this naturally, recognizing when someone in our life is more talkative or less so, when some people are bothered by cussing and others embrace it, when some people prefer texts over phone calls or vice versa. In other cases, we need to be more thoughtful and intentional about how we communicate in order to work well with others. We do this both personally and professionally. With some, we communicate easily and effortlessly and with others, we struggle even after years and years.
In order to successfully manage up, it is important to understand how your supervisor communicates. Do they prefer in-person meetings or phone calls? Are they okay with you dropping by unannounced or is an appointment necessary? Do they appreciate an agenda or is an informal discussion more productive? Do they prefer some initial chit-chat or to get right down to business? Learn, ask, and adjust accordingly. In a perfect world, your supervisor will adjust to your communication preferences as well, but in the real world, it may be up to you.
FIND OUT WHAT YOUR SUPERVISOR CARES ABOUT
In addition to adjusting your communication style, managing up successfully requires an understanding of what your supervisor cares about. Once you realize this and implement it, your work life- hence your life- will get so much easier. Rather than asking over and over again for what you want, learn to speak your supervisor’s language and figure out what they want. Instead of trying to make them care about what you care about, talk about what they care about. In most cases, this will make them more receptive and accommodating to what you want. It can be disappointing to discover that you and your supervisor are motivated by different things, but it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. Understanding what those differences are and how to honor both of them is essential to a more productive and effective way of working together.
LEVERAGE YOUR SUPERVISOR’S GIFTS
Another important component of managing up is recognizing what your supervisor has to offer. This isn’t just to appeal to ego- though it doesn’t hurt- but to sincerely learn and grow from their strengths. You can spend your time wishing your supervisor were better at certain things, but it is far more beneficial to discover their true strengths and learn from those. Everyone knows something you don’t, and this includes your boss. Find out what that is and learn from it. Grow from it. Access it. Just as you want a chance to shine, so does your supervisor. Give yourself the opportunity to benefit from that light.
FIND OUT WHAT YOUR SUPERVISOR WANTS
Just as you want things from your supervisor, so they want things from you. Find out what those things are. Again, in a perfect world, your supervisor will be clear about these, but often, we are left in the dark about what our supervisors are really thinking and what they really want. Flip that switch and ask. Make sure you are clear and on the same page. Check in regularly to ensure that it is still the case. Be as clear as you possibly can and never assume anything. If your supervisor doesn’t take the lead on this, grab the reins and don’t let go. Clear communication is essential and it doesn’t just happen. It requires effort and intention.
BE REALISTIC
Finally, be realistic. If you are fortunate, you will work with the absolute perfect supervisor for you. Even then, there will be something you wish were different. In any case, your supervisor will have gifts, challenges and idiosyncrasies as we all do. Don’t waste your energy wishing away that which you cannot change. Instead, recognize the strengths your supervisor brings and how these can help you and your growth. Don’t expect a mind reader and don’t expect every last request to be fulfilled. Work with what you have and make it the best you possibly can. Change what you can. Let go of the rest.
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Being stuck in the middle between your supervisor and those you supervise can be challenging, but it can be incredibly rewarding as well. As a middle manager, you have a wonderful opportunity to improve the working conditions and therefore the lives of those above, below and all around you. Do your part to be the best supervisor, coworker and supervisee you can be. Avoid the victim-mentality trap. Complaining is an easy, victim-based non-solution to fixing what you perceive to be a bad relationship with your supervisor. Working to make the best of the situation takes time, effort and responsibility. In most cases, you’ll find it is worth it. Investing in your relationship with your supervisor in most cases will improve your relationship and make you a stronger supervisor in the process. Take ownership of your own job satisfaction. It won’t be easy, but it most certainly will be worth it.
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Managing up is just one of the challenges you face as a leader and one of the many kinds of diffcult conversations you have in the workplace. To support you, we have created courses to help you address those difficult conversations and become the thriving leader you strive to be. In addition to valuable content and resources, you will also receive group and individual coaching. Check out our courses HERE.
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