The Biggest Mistake I Ever Made as a Manager

I wish I could tell you that the hardest part about writing this post was coming up with an example of a big mistake I made as a manager, but the truth is, the challenge was choosing which one among many. When I first started managing other people, I made every mistake in the book and added a few of my own. 

Fresh out of grad school, my first position was running a community center. We had programs going from 8:00am-9:00pm- kids, teens, new moms, seniors, English language learners…there was no population we didn’t try to serve. Sometimes I can still hear the sound of the buzzer on that entry system.

Days were hectic, dynamic, and full and there didn’t seem to be time for much of anything- including, as it turns out, managing my staff. I was caught up in all the work, all the tasks, and all the meetings, and all my focus and attention were spent on the clients. Through all the busy, I told myself that this is what nonprofit work was, and that it was supposed to be crazy and busy and who takes time for lunch anyway?

It wasn’t my intention to ignore my staff. To be perfectly honest, I didn’t think much about them at all. As someone who considered herself independent and competent, I always appreciated having the freedom to do my work without someone looking over my shoulder. I decided the best thing I could do was to let them do their thing and I would do mine, assuming they would welcome and appreciate the freedom. No one-on-one meetings, no discussion of goals and expectations and no time set aside for feedback, reflection, strategic planning or brainstorming. Nothing really. Absolutely nothing.

Unsurprisingly, this approach was an utter and complete disaster, and it played no favorites. My staff who were high performers and those who were lower performers were both affected and neither in a positive way. Their performance began to suffer which began to strain our working relationships. As time wore on and we continued to wear on each other everything was falling apart. My solution? Just keep on plugging away and hope for the best.

When things eventually became unbearable, I realized I had to do something, so I spent an entire weekend writing down and practicing what I wanted to say to my team. On the morning of our meeting I was nervous and nauseous. I made it through whatever ill-advised diatribe I felt appropriate to share at the time and the response was less than welcoming. The damage had been done.

I had shown, without question, that I had no idea what I was doing and I had given my staff no reason to trust or respect me. At the time, this frustrated me, but in hindsight I can only empathize. It was a hard, horrible lesson to learn and I am forever sorry to my team for putting them through it.

After that initial experience, I knew I had to learn how to become a better manager, so that became my focus for the next year. I sought out affordable trainings that worked for my schedule (not easy to find!), watched webinars, read books, and met with other managers for more coffees than I could possibly count.

Slowly but surely, my skillset and my confidence grew and my journey to becoming a competent manager and eventually a skilled leader was underway. It continues today as I hope it always will.

The lessons I have learned along the way are too many to include here, but the takeaway I hope to share with you today concerns this strategy of neglect, often chosen as an overcorrection to micromanaging or simply a result of too much else to do.

The problem with neglecting staff is that it sends the message that you simply do not care. With competent staff, they may not need oversight, but they most certainly need guidance, support, coaching, encouragement, investment, resources, opportunity and recognition, to name a few. They need to know that you care about them as employees as well as people. They need support and opportunity to continue their professional growth. They need to know that you recognize and appreciate all the good work they are doing.

They may appreciate the space to do their work without unnecessary interference, but it does not mean they want to be ignored. In fact, most of them will crave your attention, your mentorship, your support and your acknowledgement. Without it, you will lose these staff, if not physically, then at the very least in terms of their trust and respect in you as their not so great leader. 

With staff who are not meeting expectations, neglect only exacerbates the situation. Not addressing what needs to change tacitly sends the message that what is happening is acceptable. In cases where staff is intentionally performing in ways they know they should not, you are essentially giving them permission through your silence.

In cases where they do not know that their performance is lacking, ignoring it will never make it better. They will assume they are performing as they should and will continue to do whatever it is you think they should not be doing (and you will continue to complain and blame them for it.) This cycle never gets better until we make the choice to make it so.  

Managing is a skill and an art that requires great thought, commitment and dedication to do it well. When someone becomes a manager for the first time, it is only natural that she will stumble along the way. In fact, it is necessary on the path to getting better. You will find that your staff will be forgiving and understanding if they know you care about them and who they are and that you are actively working toward getting better at leading and supporting them.

Eventually they will see you get better with their help and it can be a powerful experience to go through with your team as you grow individually and collectively, but you will find that your staff will be far less forgiving if you ignore them sending the message that you do not care. The inevitable perception will be that you do not do your job well and that you do not care enough about your team to try and do it any better.

Even after all these years later, it is not easy for me to share this. When I think back on that time, I still cringe at the mess that I made. I choose to share this story because I know my experience is not unique. Throughout my career including now in my business that is focused on supporting new managers, I hear the same stories over and over again. Sharing my story is intended to show others- to show you that:

1) You are not alone.

2) I’ve been there and I know what you are experiencing.

3) It can and will get better the minute you decide to make a change.

If you are a manager, new or otherwise, who is struggling with staff, welcome to the club! Managing is as challenging as it is rewarding and it takes time to do it well. It is possible you are one of the lucky ones who figures it all out on your own, but if you are like most of us, you need support, training, encouragement, feedback and guidance as you strive to get better.  Let’s talk about how to get you there. CLICK HERE to learn more.