One of my recurring New Year’s Resolutions is to show up as a better me when dealing with customer service (or customer disservice as I like to call it to no one’s amusement but my own). It should be easier because everything they do is so predictable. Every repeated phrase they are told to say only makes the situation worse for me. I know it is coming so it should neither shock nor upset me. I’m working on it. And I imagine I am not alone.
When I want something fixed or a problem solved, that is where my focus is. In almost all cases, why it happened or who is to blame is of no concern to me. I just want my problem fixed. That is where I want to focus the conversation but so often in an attempt to appease me, the agent tries to deflect in ways that are not helpful. They say things like:
“I don’t know why the other agent told you that.” – Me neither, but that does not fix my problem.
“I’ve never heard of this happening to anyone else.”- I do not believe you. It is not statistically possible that I am the only one to experience anything that has ever happened to me. And besides, I do not care about anyone else. This is happening to me and I want it fixed.
“That is our policy.”- It is a shitty policy and it does not serve your customers. It also does not serve me or help me fix my problem.
“I understand how this is difficult for you.”- Thank you. Now what are you going to do to make it less difficult?
“There is nothing we can do.”- There is always something you can do. Always.
Unfortunately, customer service representatives are not unique. Most people do not know what to say or do when they have made a mistake, messed up or made someone else’s life more difficult. Too often, they focus on deflecting blame rather than taking accountability and making it right. These are not our people. Our people know what to do when they mess up. Here is how you can learn from their mistakes and how they fess up to your own.
DISCLAIMER
Mistakes are a necessary part of learning. You should not try to avoid them completely as they are required for your growth. Sometimes those mistakes will only impact you on the path of helping you grow. In that case, the work to be done is largely self-reflective. Take time to figure out what went wrong and how you can do it differently next time. This learning process never ends and neither will the mistakes along the way. Use them for your benefit. In addition, you can discuss these mistakes with your supervisor, mentor and/or coach to help you make sense of them.
In many other cases, your mistakes will negatively impact others. When this happens, how you respond is essential to your relationships, your reputation and your integrity. You have heard the maxim that the cover up is worse than the crime. It is also true that a poor apology can be worse than the offense. That is because in most cases when people make a mistake they focus on minimizing culpability rather than focusing on taking responsibility and making it right. When negatively impacting someone else, the focus should not be on how to get out of it or avoid punishment. Instead the focus should be on the person you have harmed, and the main questions you should ask are:
“How can I own up to this?”
“How can I make amends?”
“What can I do better next time?”
OWN UP TO IT
When you realize you have made a mistake that negatively affects someone else, own up to it. Do not try to hide it, wish it away or pretend it did not happen. Before they can discover it, get ahead of it, and let them know what happened. Apologize sincerely and do what you can to make it right. This will demonstrate your honesty and integrity. In some cases, the person would otherwise never know it was you. Own up anyway. This demonstrates your integrity even more.
There is a trend of shifting from of accountability to gratitude. For example, “Thank you for waiting” instead of “I’m sorry I’m late.” I think I see the intention behind this, and I am not sure I agree with it. You can be both grateful and sorry. You can apologize and show gratitude. It is important to recognize when your actions have negatively impacted someone else.
AVOID EXCUSES
To try and mitigate the blame, most people try to explain away the mistake. This is understandable but it is almost never helpful. Resist the urge to try and justify, rationalize and excuse what you have done. In most cases, the person who has been affected by your actions will not be appeased by your explanation. Instead, they are looking for accountability and when possible, remedy. Whether you flaked on a meeting, missed a deadline, or lost the company money, do not try to rationalize it. This does not serve the person you have harmed. Instead, apologize and delete the part about why it happened.
Instead of “I’m so sorry I turned in the report late. I wasn’t feeling great this morning and the subway was late and then the presidential motorcade came by and then and then and then…”
Focus on taking ownership. Plain and simple.
“I’m sorry I missed the meeting.”
“I apologize for turning this in late.”
“I take full responsibility for my mistake.”
MAKE IT ABOUT THEM
Some people will take it a step further when trying to deflect responsibility and accountability. In addition to their attempts at rationalization, many will try to turn the proverbial tables and make you feel bad for them. They may say something like:
“I have so much going on right now and nobody is helping me out and I’m doing the best I can…”
“I was just trying to help…”
“I have so much on my shoulders right now and if I lose this job, I don’t know what I’m going to do…”
The hope is that you will feel bad for them rather than be upset with them and even further, that your being upset makes you the bad guy. People do not like other people being mad at them and this is a common response. But these attempts to bring the focus back to you rather than the person you have harmed do not do anything to repair or lessen the negative impact you have had on that person. Resist the urge to make it about you. Keep your focus on them.
WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE
We have all witnessed the non-apology apology, the “I’m sorry IF …” or “I’m sorry BUT…”
Nope, nope, nope.
I’m sorry is a full sentence. I apologize is a full sentence. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.
ACKNOWLEDGE HOW IT HAS AFFECTED THEM
A central tenet of strong communication and relationship building is empathy. When you have made a mistake that has affected someone else it is important that you recognize and articulate your understanding of this. In lieu of excuses, let the other person know that you recognize how you have inconvenienced them and the challenges that accompany that. Something like:
“I know that because I turned my report in late, you had to stay late to review it and that you missed your son’s spelling bee. I am so sorry about that. I’m sure you were incredibly disappointed and frustrated.”
Give the other person space to share how it has impacted them. Really listen to what they say. You do not need to feel guilt or shame. Simply responsible and ready to make it right.
FOCUS ON THE GROWTH
In lieu of excuses, be clear about what you have learned about the experience and what you will do differently next time. You cannot change what has happened but you can use it to do better going forward. Let the other person know that you have learned from the experience and that you are using it to better yourself and not let it happen again.
MAKE AMENDS
When possible, offer to make amends. This will not always be possible, but when it is, this is a great opportunity to demonstrate that you are taking responsibility for your mistake and that you are interested in making it right. You might say something like:
“I’m sorry my not being here put more work on you. Let me take some of the work off of your plate to make up for that.”
“I take full responsibility for costing the company $_____. I plan to make up for this by ________.”
“I apologize that you had to stay late to finish the work that I did not finish. Let me make it up to you by completing some of your reports.”
RE-INSPIRE CONFIDENCE
Dwelling on the past does not serve anyone. Instead, you want to focus on the future and re-inspire confidence in your capability and performance. Let the person you have harmed know what you are going to do differently going forward to avoid the same mistake again. Recognize the damage that has been done, offer amends when possible and articulate how it will be different going forward.
A full apology requires you to own up to your mistake, recognize the harm you have caused, make amends when possible and let them know how you will do it differently next time. An example of this is:
“I’m sorry that I turned my report in late. I know that this forced you to stay late and that that created a lot of challenges for you. I want you to know that I take full responsibility and that this will not happen again. I will make sure to turn in my reports on time going forward and if something comes up, I will give you more notice next time. In the meantime, I can complete some additional reports to make up for it.”
Notice how this apology takes full responsibility, offers empathy, makes amends and commits to doing better next time.
AS A LEADER
As a team leader, you should encourage your staff to take risks which will naturally involve making mistakes. The focus is not on preventing mistakes altogether. Instead, it is about trying to minimize them as much as possible and then when they do happen, focus on the learning and how to respond going forward. When another person has been negatively impacted, you want to make sure your staff owns up to that and makes it right.
This is a perfect coaching opportunity. Use non-judgmental questions (“What might you do differently next time?” or “What did this mistake teach you?”) to help your staff understand what went wrong and what they can take away from that.
Everybody makes mistakes. This is to be expected. When those mistakes negatively impact others, it should also be expected that you take accountability and do what you can to minimize the negative impact you make on the other person. Do not try to negate their experiences or your own involvement in having caused them. Instead, own up to what happened, do what you can to make it right and use it to do better next time.
Everyone makes mistakes but not everyone takes responsibility for them. Commit to doing this for your benefit as well as that of those you have negatively impacted. By avoiding excuses and rationalizations, you will gain the respect of those you work with and will encourage a culture of accountability and transparency. It is not always easy, I know. Do it anyway.
