How to Give (and Receive) Feedback More Effectively

I have conducted a number of different hiring processes throughout my career, and after each one, I have tried to evaluate how effective we have been at choosing a strong candidate who is also a good fit for our team. Sometimes hires have worked out great and other times not so much, but each time we get a little bit closer to a process that will give us the best chances at a strong hire. One of the ways we do this is by improving the questions we ask. Certain questions seem to provide insight and match up pretty well with how people actually show up at the job, but other questions don’t seem to provide much of anything. One in particular was about feedback. We would ask each candidate how s/he preferred to receive feedback, and inevitably, the candidate would say that s/he liked to receive feedback directly, honestly and frequently. Every single time. In fact, I never had a candidate not give this answer. Which meant it was a bad question because 1) it wasn’t doing anything to distinguish the candidates and 2) frankly, it wasn’t true.

The truth is, many people do not react well to receiving feedback and there are a lot of reasons for this. Mostly, they simply aren’t used to it. This is true in both personal and professional relationships. The personal aspect is a whole other blog post, but in the professional realm, many employees do not receive regular feedback, and in other cases, the feedback they do receive is infrequent, poorly delivered and/or unhelpful. In fact, Gallup found that only 28% of employees say they receive regular feedback and only 26% strongly agree that the feedback they receive helps them do their job better.

WHAT IS FEEDBACK?

For many people, the word feedback is negative and equates to telling someone what s/he is doing wrong. The reason many people feel this way is that this is the only type of feedback they have ever received. It is often accompanied by a closed-door meeting in a manager’s office and may or may not involve something formalized in writing. No wonder it has such a negative connotation. The truth, though, is that feedback is much bigger and broader than this. Feedback is a neutral term that describes any message we send, verbally or non-verbally, about what is happening around us. It could be a smile or a shift in body language or a formal meeting in a manager’s office. There are many different types and ways to deliver it.

WHY IS FEEDBACK IMPORTANT?

The bottom line is, feedback is absolutely crucial to creating an environment of growth and success. In order for a team to function effectively, each member needs to embrace its expectations, goals and mission. When each member shares the vision and is doing his/her part to help us get there, it is vital that we let them know. When they are not, it is equally vital that we address it. In the end, the feedback we provide will help us get closer (or further away) from the goals we have set.

WHY ARE WE SO UNCOMFORTABLE WITH FEEDBACK?

For many managers, giving and receiving feedback is one of the most challenging aspects of the job. It is a skill like any other, but instead of developing and honing that skill, many throw up their hands and never invest the time in improving it while others avoid it altogether. Because giving feedback is challenging. It can feel uncomfortable and awkward and I’ve had heard some managers say it feels mean. And many employees do react strongly to receiving it. They may be defensive and in some cases hostile. Despite this, PwC found that 60% of employees- and 72% of those under 30! –  want feedback on a daily or weekly basis. This doesn’t mean that they will always welcome it in the moment, but over time, those who truly want to grow will be better for it, and isn’t that our ultimate goal as managers?

HOW DO WE MAKE FEEDBACK MORE EFFECTIVE?

There are several ways to improve the ways we give and receive feedback. Below are some foundational components that can and should be adjusted to meet the needs of individual team members. As always, the individual relationship you have with each staff member should drive your interactions and this holds true for feedback. There are many more I could have added to this list, but let’s consider it a good start.

Frequency and recency- When feedback is a regular occurrence that includes both praise and constructive criticism, it is at its most effective. Employees will be much more receptive when feedback is a normal part of their working environment rather than something that is relegated to an annual review. Once staff become accustomed to both giving and receiving feedback as a necessary and integral part of team growth, the fear and anxiety that all too often accompanies it will dissipate.  

A critical aspect of this is the recency effect, which is that people remember their most recent experiences best. As a result, feedback is most valuable and effective when people receive it immediately after an action. Waiting too long diminishes the feedback’s effect. Telling employees that they did something wrong or need to improve a behavior after it is too late can feel judgmental and punitive. In contrast, timely feedback ensures the behavior can be adjusted in a relevant and effective way.

Provide praise AND constructive criticism- Feedback must include what the employee is doing well and what the employee needs to work on. Both should be specific, objective, clear and related only to performance, not to the employee’s personality, beliefs, style or character.

As managers, we often focus exclusively on what needs to change. If that is all an employee ever hears, motivation and job satisfaction will be negatively affected. Additionally, many managers employ a strategy of putting out fires and completely ignore their high performing employees, a mistake as costly as ignoring the low performing ones. Staff need to be recognized and feel appreciated for their work. Gallup found that when managers focus on strengths, employee engagement is positively and significantly affected. On the other hand, when managers provide no feedback at all compared to providing only negative feedback, staff are twice as likely to be actively disengaged. In other words, receiving no feedback at all is more harmful to employees’ engagement than only receiving negative feedback.

Use multiple methods­– We need to get out of the mindset that feedback = sitting in a closed-door meeting discussing poor performance. There are countless ways to share feedback and to be effective, managers should employ a number of them. This can include a quick email to thank an employee or for acknowledging a job well done. It may be a shout out in a staff meeting or an end of the year award or a mention in the company newsletter. Be creative and intentional. 

Of course, when feedback is about something that needs to change, calling someone out publicly is never okay. Neither is talking to one staff member about another, which should go without saying but unfortunately happens all the time. The old adage of praise in public and criticize in private is a good one.  

Be clear and articulate why- A “thank you” or “nice job” is a good start but it won’t go very far toward affecting performance. Employees need to know exactly what they are doing well or not well and how it is affecting the team’s goals. For example, “Thank you for preparing your presentation so thoroughly. The data you included really helped sway the client to staying with us” is a lot stronger than “Nice job on that presentation.” Similarly, if you want something to shift, you need to be clear about what the current behavior is, how it is affecting the bottom line, and what the changed behavior needs to be. For example, “You were late three times this week, and when you are late, the rest of the team needs to field your calls in addition to their own. This does not allow them to get their own work done. It is important that you are on time each day so that everyone can get their work done on time” is stronger than “you need to stop coming in late.”

Be objective- When giving feedback, it is both common and ineffective to toss around subjective words like professional or respectful or insubordinate because these words mean very different things to different people. Instead, it is important to be as objective as possible. This helps to depersonalize the situation, and it ensures that everyone is on the same page (even if there may be disagreement on the importance of the feedback).

It is also important to avoid words like never and always as it is rare for something to be happening all (or none) of the time and it puts employees in a defensive position where they will often (and justifiably) state an example of when this was not the case.

When giving feedback, you want to be authentic and avoid being too robotic and formulaic, but it is important to include the major components of feedback to be effective. Be sure to state: 1) what behavior is currently occurring 2) what the effects of the behavior are and 3) what the expected behavior is going forward. “You are always late” is riddled with issues, but “You were 15 minutes late yesterday and 20 minutes late today. As a result, the rest of the team had to answer you calls which prevented them from getting all their work done. Going forward, the expectation is that you are at your desk by 9:00am every day” is much clearer. And, importantly, objective. Employees may have reasons/excuses why they were late and/or may disagree with why the expectation is important but this ensures that the expectation is clear.

Find out why- Do not attribute meaning as to why an employee is doing or not doing whatever s/he is doing or not doing. Assumptions are frequently wrong and can permanently damage your relationship with your team. Instead of assuming, ask (read more here). It may be that the employee is late because his/her child’s school bus comes at a certain time or because s/he has a recurring doctor’s appointment on Wednesdays or any number of other reasons. As a strong leader and an empathetic human being, are there situations where being flexible can really make a difference? Be understanding and work with your team whenever possible.

Provide what your staff needs- It is often the case that staff is not meeting expectations because of a lack of knowledge, skill or resources. It is your job as their manager to provide what your staff needs to meet their expectations. Once you figure out what is needed, provide it. 

Find out how- I always ask employees how (not if!) they prefer to receive feedback. Some have asked to receive it in the moment and others have asked to wait until our weekly meetings. I had one employee ask to receive it in writing first so she could be prepared to discuss it in person (I was happy to oblige, but as with anything in writing, was cautious with what I was permanently putting out into the universe). The end goal is to make the process as effective as possible and this is greatly precipitated if the employee has input into the process.

Follow up/acknowledge growth- Giving feedback and never revisiting it is basically the same as not giving any feedback at all. If the feedback includes something that needs to change, it is vital that you follow up to monitor that change. During the initial conversation, set up the time/date when you will check back in. During the check in, remain objective. For example, “last time we met, we discussed the expectation that you would be on time every day. The last two weeks you have been on time every day. Thank you for working on this. It has helped the team…” If the behavior has not changed, decide if it is time to take it to the next level, whatever this may be in your organization (documentation, performance plan, etc.). If the behavior has changed, acknowledge that change and reemphasize the expectation. If it seems the issue is solved, the process may end here. If it seems that the situation requires more oversight, set up the next check in. 

Coach- Coaching skills are essential to effective performance management. In some cases, it is efficient and effective to simply tell employees what needs to be done and how. In most cases, however, coaching employees through the process is far more effective as it utilizes their natural strengths and involves them in the process. Yes, it is a slower process but a far more beneficial one.  

Make formal reviews as boring as possible- I always tell my staff that my goal as a manager is to make their performance reviews as boring as possible. In other words, everything on the review should have been discussed throughout the year so that there are absolutely no surprises. Far too many managers hold onto things and wait until review time to spring them on their unsuspecting staff. If we have done our job, staff should practically be able to write their own reviews.  

Model­– Receiving feedback as a manager is as essential to this process as giving it. By making this a regular part of your team dynamics, you normalize it, thereby taking away the anxiety that too often accompanies it. Asking your team if they have any feedback for you is a start but likely not a great one, as most will simply say no. Instead, make it a regular and expected part of the process. For example, in regularly scheduled supervision times, always include a section for both giving and receiving feedback. Do not phrase it as a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ (i.e., “Do you have any feedback for me?”) Instead, ask, “What feedback do you have for me?” or something even more specific to what is going on at the time. (e.g., “What do you think was most effective about our last staff meeting?”) Model accepting feedback non-defensively and if you disagree or don’t understand, model how to engage in these types of discussions as well.

Additionally, you should provide opportunities for written feedback- anonymous or otherwise- as well through surveys, suggestions boxes, etc. It may take a while to build up enough trust with staff for them to be honest but invest in the process and the results will be well worth it.

Giving and receiving effective feedback is an essential part of being a manager. It is natural for this process to feel uncomfortable in the beginning but as with all things, it does get easier over time. It is essential that you give it the necessary time and energy it deserves and commit to getting better at it for the benefit of your team. The above is a starting point to what should be a lifelong goal of improving this essential skill. What would you add to the list? How do you effectively give and receive feedback with your staff? 

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If you want more support to effectively give and receive feedback, we invite you to join our value-packed, self-paced virtual course. This course will give you everything you need to better support you team while becoming a stronger leader. Start today and revisit the material as many times as is helpful. Click the photo below to learn more.

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