We all want to be understood. In this hope, we all have moments of idealism that we are doing everything we can to make ourselves understood. What we want to convey is so clear to us that it can be confusing when it is unclear to others, yet it happens all the time.
One common cause of misunderstanding is the words we use and the meanings we attribute to them. Immediately, I think of my Boston upbringing and the many misunderstandings that have resulted from using my “Boston English.” While many people know about our disdain for using Rs, fewer people are aware of the many differences that exist in our vocabulary (for example, what most would call a dresser, we call a bureau; rubber bands are elastics, and trash cans are barrels, just to name a few).
This happens a lot regionally as well as culturally, using different words to mean the same thing. But some of the biggest causes of misunderstandings come about not from using different words that mean the same thing but from using the same words to mean different things.
In the professional world, there a lot of these words. We use them frequently and significantly under the assumption that we are all in agreement about what they mean. In reality, these types of loaded words are not nearly as clear as we make them out to be, and our using them can have significant consequences.
Terms like professional or its counterpart unprofessional are perfect examples. People are frequently hired, promoted, or fired based on their professionalism, or, more accurately, based on someone else’s perception of their professionalism. But what exactly does it mean to be professional? We tend to operate as if there is one shared understanding when it can mean so many different things to so many different people. The words we use, the tone in which we use them, the way we disagree with someone in a meeting, the clothes we wear, the way our hair or make up looks, if we text instead of calling- all of these can be perceived as professional or unprofessional depending on personal understandings of what those terms mean. One person’s professional is inevitably another person’s unprofessional.
Similar terms include insubordinate, aggressive, lazy, disrespectful, standoffish, and unmotivated. We use these words frequently to describe potential hires or potential fires, and they are littered throughout our end of the year evaluations. But what do we mean by them? What behaviors are we referring to? Who gets to decide?
The same holds true for positive terms like team player, leader, and cultural fit. What do we mean when we use these terms? What do those who hear them take them to mean? These terms can have a significant impact on someone’s career when they are deemed worthy of such labels. But what about those who are not? What do we do when someone believes themselves to be a team player, a leader, and a cultural fit but others disagree? Based on what? Whose definition is right?
I suppose if we take this line of thinking to its most extreme, we can do this with any term. Lots of words can mean different things to different people. Do we need to spend all our time dissecting each one and coming to agreement before using them? Of course not. That would be utterly impractical. But it does seem like we should be doing something, because these terms we use so liberally actually carry a lot of weight.
So, what can you do?
For starters, you can begin with some good old-fashioned self-reflection. How frequently are you using labels to describe people? Are you consistently applying these labels or are there groups of people you find yourself using them with more often than others? What biases might be showing up here? What assumptions are you making regarding what these terms mean and who shares this understanding?
Next, consider replacing labels with descriptions of the actions you are referring to. “That was unprofessional” or worse still, “you are unprofessional” is completely subjective and nebulous. Ditch the label. Instead, clarify the action that failed to meet the expectation. Of course, to do this, you need to ensure that there was a clear expectation to start with.
Being explicit about expectations is an important beginning, middle and end to your communication and leadership. Rather than simply stating that employees are expected to be professional, you can explain what actions this encompasses- completing projects on time, participating in meetings, wearing whatever your dress code requires you to wear.
Rather than encourage your staff to be team players, explain what it means to you to be a team player- responding to emails in an agreed upon amount of time, letting others know when you will miss a deadline, helping out with extra work if you have finished your own.
Instead of creating a dichotomy of leaders and not leaders, you can explain what those who want to be promoted need to do to make that happen- be the point person on a project, facilitate meetings that meet their goals, and implement feedback as it is given.
I am not saying these examples are the correct ones to use as you work toward clarifying these terms. There are arguments that can made for or against each of the examples I listed. My point in sharing them is to help you think about what it looks like for you and your team. Just like in school when every teacher’s classroom rules were a little bit different, so too will different managers have different expectations. Whatever yours are, make sure you are making them clear, so your staff knows exactly what they are.
Despite our best efforts to communicate clearly, there will always be misunderstandings as well as opportunities to be even clearer. It can undoubtedly be frustrating when we try so hard to get on the same page and we just can’t seem to get there but continue to try we must. Communication is at the core of everything we do, and as leaders, it is our responsibility to continue striving to do it as well as we possibly can.
Some practical things you can adopt as an ongoing work in progress are:
1) Being aware of what terms and labels you are using with which people and identifying where your biases are impacting this.
2) Defining expectations rather than relying on loaded terms.
3) Checking that you and the other person/people involved have a shared understanding of what the expectation is.
4) Addressing any misunderstandings as they (inevitably) arise and approaching them initially as misunderstandings rather than intentional acts of defiance.
Communication is as complex as it gets and there will always be misunderstandings. No good sitcom would exist without them. But with intention and effort, we can do our part to minimize these misunderstandings by being as clear as we possibly can. Be conscious of your labels and loaded terms, and work with your team repeatedly and consistently to improve your communication. It’s not easy but most certainly worth it.
