It never fails. Every time I meet someone new, they ask me what I do. And every time I tell them that I help managers become better leaders, they say the same thing, “I wish you could work with my boss.” (I wish that too!) This inevitably leads to stories of bosses behaving badly in ways that range from humorous to infuriating to heartbreaking.
Bad boss stories are so common, in fact, that they have become a regular part of our culture and our collective conversation. Like the weather and traffic, complaining about work and those we work for has become a national pastime. It has become something people can relate to and something people feel comfortable and open about discussing. This is emphasized in pop culture, where depictions of bosses are largely negative and range from idiotic (The Office’s Michael Scott, Office Space’s Bill Lumberg) to cold-hearted (Scrubs’ Dr. Keslo, Devil Wears Prada’s Miranda Priestly) to unscrupulous (Taxi’s Louie DePalma, The Simpsons’ Mr. Burns). There was even an entire movie made about Horrible Bosses (with a sequel!) If art imitates life, what a sad imitation this is.
So why does it seem that everyone has a bad boss story? Has everyone really had a bad boss or is it some type of self-fulfilling prophecy?
EVERYONE HAS REALLY HAD A BAD BOSS
Unfortunately, there are a lot of really bad bosses out there. As much as I love to use numbers to back up my claims, there is no real way to quantify this. What we do know is that roughly half of all workers will leave a job at some point to get away from their manager. We also know that 52% of managers never receive any managerial training. (the similarity in rates between these two is more than a coincidence.) Also, because bad managers have higher turnover, they are working with more people which contributes to how many people have had a bad boss.
It is certainly true that some people can excel at something through a combination of natural talent and real-world experience, but most of us need proper training and support to become competent at what we do. Especially if what we do is complex and challenging to do well, like managing. With over half of managers not receiving even the most basic training, we’re off to a bad start. As a result, Progressive Business Publications found that only 1/3 of all managers are perceived to be strong leaders.
Secondly, most organizations do not promote people based on their managerial skills and potential but instead for their competence at their previous role. And while anyone can be coached and trained to become a better leader, people have varying degrees of skill, natural ability, potential and interest in leading others. If any of these is deeply lacking- particularly the interest- it would be difficult to become an effective leader. Organizations, then, need to focus on these components when considering who to promote and prepare.
Further, although most organizations who train do so after the promotion, this training should come before the promotion takes effect. Once someone is in the role, they are often already overwhelmed, trying to build the proverbial plane while flying it.
Finally, many leaders and many organizations do not truly value the managerial role. Organizations show this by how much or little they choose to invest in their managers. Managers show this through their mindsets, actions and words, often lamenting that managing their teams gets in the way of them getting their real work done. In fact, 68% of managers admit that they do not really like managing. Sigh. SMH. Facepalm. All of it.
IT’S SOME TYPE OF SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY
In a culture that freely discusses, commiserates and jokes about bad bosses, it is easy to convince ourselves that all bosses are bad. As discussed above, it is certainly true that many are but there are also some pretty fantastic bosses out there. However, when we enter a situation already convinced of the outcome, we act accordingly. If we tell ourselves that a boss is bad, our confirmation bias will force us to focus our energy on the bad things our bosses do and ignore or dismiss the good things. We will talk about how bad our bosses are to other people who will agree, which will reinforce for us that our bosses are bad. This will affect how we relate to our bosses which in turn will affect how they relate to us.
I’m not trying to get all Secret on you, but I do believe we find what we look for. If we try to see the bad in people, we will find it. Conversely if we look for the good in people we will find that too. Even in our horrible bosses.
IT’S A WAY TO CONNECT WITH OTHER PEOPLE
There seem to be certain things that most people like- pizza, The Beatles, funny cat memes- and other things that most people do not like- mosquitoes, commercials, Nickelback. When someone has an opinion that goes against what everyone else seems to agree on, it can be surprising and even shocking, and it can make that person feel excluded. (As a Bostonian, I have friends who still cannot rationally talk with me about my dislike for Good Will Hunting.) On the other hand, commonalities make people feel connected, safe and included.
So, if someone is a part of a group conversation where everyone is complaining about work and their bosses, it can feel alienating to interject with how much you love your boss and your job. Instead you may choose to keep silent or even chime in out of a sense of camaraderie and start to complain too. Thus perpetuating the idea that boss = bad.
IT’S EASIER TO BLAME SOMEONE ELSE
It takes a humble spirit to accept responsibility for our own life circumstances. It is far easier to blame others for our lot in life. This is as true in our professional lives as it is in our personal ones. If things are not going as well as we would like, it is hard to look in the mirror to understand why. It is far easier to find someone else to blame and who is easier to blame than your boss? This mindset contributes to the stories we tell.
When we don’t get that promotion, it is because our boss plays favorites. If we get a negative review it is because our boss is unfair. If we get in trouble at work, it is because our boss is mean. We share this narrative with friends who share their own similar circumstances which then reinforce all the points above. And on and on and on…
PEOPLE LIKE TO COMPLAIN
It is a misfortune of life that some people simply like to complain, and culturally, we have made work a perfectly acceptable thing to complain about. It is possible that the same people who spend their energy complaining about their bosses are the same people complaining about lots of other things. It becomes its own type of communication style. People who communicate this way may not even be all that invested in what they are complaining about- it simply becomes the way they view and talk about the world. This style of communication is unpleasant at best and exhausting at worst. Beware the complainers. They can all too easily become contagious.
The prototype of the bad boss did not come out of nowhere. Unfortunately, bad bosses are everywhere. The good news is these bad bosses self-identify fairly quickly and pretty consistently so once you’ve realized it, you can choose to do something about it. Be proactive and address the issue. Or switch to another department. Or become a boss yourself. Do what you need to do to make your working life as fulfilling and enjoyable as you possibly can. Take responsibility for your journey. Look in the mirror. Own your path.
The other good news is that there are good bosses. I promise you there are. I hope you have had the opportunity to work for one or some. Or that you are one. Do not diminish the value good bosses are by turning them into bad bosses through your mindset and approach. Instead, recognize and appreciate strong leaders. Become one yourself. Good working conditions do not just magically happen, but they can and do happen every day through a concerted effort and and a willingness to make it so.
As for your own bad boss story, tell it if it helps or inspires others. Learn from it. Most importantly, do not ever emulate it. Do not ever let yourself become someone else’s bad boss story. Become the type of leader that people can’t wait to tell their friends about- for all the right reasons!
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