Why the Best Manager I Ever Had Was the Best Manager I Ever Had

When I was 27, I got a job teaching English at the Korean Naval Academy. I had already been living in Korea for a year which means my understanding of the culture and my ability to navigate it was roughly half a percent higher than it was before I moved there. So much was different about my new home that went far beyond the obvious expected differences of food and language. When people back home would ask me what Korea was like, I used to say it wasn’t just different- it felt completely opposite. Mostly, this stemmed from the foundation of their society which was based on the group rather than the individual as I was used to. It was Confucian, patriarchal and completely and utterly perplexing to me. Working in a military environment only exacerbated this, and I was, without question, in over my head.

My status as a young, white American woman was an interesting one at the Korean Naval Academy. Generally, being a woman and being younger would afford me very little status there, but teachers were highly respected and Americans were a bit of a fascination. No one really knew where to place me in the Confucian hierarchy and I never quite knew which societal rules to follow and when.

My boss at the Academy was a man named Commander Lee. He was kind and accomplished and had the sense of humor known these days as “dad humor”.  He joked often and always with a twinkle in his eye that let you know a punchline was coming. Regardless of how funny the jokes were, they always made me smile.

On the surface, Commander Lee and I had little in common. He was of a different generation, gender and nationality. He was in the military and was raising a family while I was a single civilian having the experience and adventure of a lifetime. My nights were spent in karaoke rooms and my school breaks were spent on the beaches of Thailand, while Commander Lee was running a department, raising a family and defending a nation. My understanding of what it meant to be Commander Lee and his understanding of what it meant to be me were equally limited and largely off base but it never stopped either one of us from trying and working toward that understanding.

In the end, despite all our differences, Commander Lee was the best manager I ever had and the person I most model myself after as a manager myself. What he taught me was at times the result of direct lessons he imparted and at other times was inadvertent. It’s a challenge to narrow it down to a blog-friendly list, but here goes:

• HE WAS AVAILABLE- Many managers will say that their door is always open and that they are always available to talk, but in practice this is often not the case. Employees will pick up on this quickly and will respond accordingly. With Commander Lee, his offer of being available was sincere and I took him up on it. A lot. As I got more comfortable in my new role, I took him up on it less and less but knowing that I could always have access to him was comforting and was all the support I needed.

• HE GAVE ME SPACE TO DO WHAT I DID BEST- At 27, I had much to learn about being a teacher and a professional. At 39, this remains the case. But at 27, I was also really good at what I did and Commander Lee recognized that. He gave me space to do what I did best and made himself available when I needed additional support (see above), acknowledged what I did well, and let me know when I wasn’t doing something well (see below). This is a really hard balancing act for managers, but the good managers get it right, and Commander Lee most certainly got it right.

• HE LET ME KNOW WHEN I WAS DOING A GOOD JOB- When asked, many employees will say that they do not like to be micromanaged and that they want to be left alone to do their work. However, this usually does not mean that they want to be completely ignored either. Giving staff the space to do the work they do well is empowering and important, but failing to acknowledge and recognize that work is a mistake far too many managers make. Providing space and acknowledging a job well done is the sweet spot and an unfortunately rare one at that.

• HE LET ME KNOW WHEN I WASN’T DOING A GOOD JOB- I made a lot of mistakes when I worked at the Naval Academy- far more than I was even aware of, I’m sure. I’m certain he did not address all of them, but I’m equally certain that he did address the ones that most needed addressing. Sometimes this had to do with my teaching, and other times it had to do with something I said or did that I shouldn’t have said or done. I won’t pretend that I was always mature enough in the moment to truly appreciate and take in all his feedback, but I am so very thankful that he had the ability and courage to address what needed to be addressed. It continues to amaze me how few managers do this.

• HE LISTENED TO MY IDEAS- Commander Lee was also an English teacher, and from what I understood, he had a very different style than mine. He never tried to make me into the teacher he was but instead made sure I was doing what it took to reach our department’s goals. How I went about it was not the focus, but instead, he kept our focus on the end result. As a young, enthusiastic teacher, I was full of ideas, and Commander Lee let me indulge those ideas. Unfortunately, this is all too rare in the working world, particularly in a highly-structured working world like I was in, but he indulged me all the same.

• HE CARED ABOUT ME AS A PERSON- Despite our many differences, Commander Lee and I developed a relationship that remains one of the most special and impactful of my life. We respected and liked one another and learned about our respective hobbies, values and interests. Some were shared, most were different, but at the core, we enjoyed one another and we enjoyed working together. This mutual respect and friendship made our jobs more fulfilling and enjoyable.

• HE LED BY EXAMPLE- Commander Lee was honorable, hard-working, and a true team player. I don’t remember him directly teaching me any of these things, but watching him lead as he did was a lesson in and of itself. He did not pull unnecessary power plays and he never lost his temper. He was honest, consistent and fair, and he never left us guessing what he was thinking or why he was doing something. He sought our input and communicated openly. He was everything a leader should be.

These are not the only components of effective management, but they provide a solid foundation of what it means to be not just a manager but a leader. On the surface, this list may seem simplistic and obvious, which makes it all the more frustrating to try and understand why its implementation remains so rare. Managers like Commander Lee are the exception to what should be the rule, but it is never too late to become the leaders we are capable of being. Even when we fall short, the effort to get there will be both noticed and appreciated by our teams. If you aren’t there quite yet, what do you need to get there? And what are you waiting for?