My dream is to be a singer. And despite my singing teacher’s insistence that anyone can learn to sing well, I have resigned myself to it just being a dream I can live out in late night Korean karaoke rooms after one too many shots (bottles?) of soju. But if I really wanted to put the time in to be singer, I could practice becoming one as often as I wanted, and it would help me become better when it was time to perform in front of others. I could sing at home, in a studio, at church, walking down the street- most anywhere, really.
If I wanted to learn how to fix cars, I could take an adult ed class and learn the basics, gaining the same skills I would use when it came time to do it “in real life”. Or I could work on any number of beaters my friends tinker with on Saturday afternoons. I could get my hands in there, quite literally and learn how to do it.
It is the same with cooking, computer programming, carpentry, or cosmetology. There are ways to learn and practice in real life simulated situations without it being real life just yet. There are ways to become effective at it before actually doing it for real.
But it doesn’t work with managing.
You cannot practice most of what effective management requires in any way that resembles what it is like to actually do it. Whether it is giving challenging feedback, running a strong meeting, or letting someone go, scripts practiced in front of hallway mirrors cannot and will not prepare you for what it is really like and how you can do it effectively. Although you can learn strategies and principles, nothing can adequately prepare you ahead of time for doing it well and there is no way for sure to know when you are ready. There is no test or objective method to measure that yes, you can change oil the right way.
This is not to say you should not learn, prepare and equip yourself before becoming a manager. Trainings, classes, coaching and other forms of professional development are essential as you begin your management journey and throughout it. But there comes a time- likely much earlier than you think- when you just need to start managing. You will learn along the way by taking what you have read and been told and putting it into practice. THEN- and we too often neglect this part- seeking feedback and coaching combined with self-reflection on how you are doing. You then adjust accordingly and learn a little more, practice a little more and continue the cycle in perpetuity.
In most cases, the first time you do anything will be messy and butterfly-inducing. This includes most things you will do for the first time as a manager- interview someone, reject someone for a job or promotion, let someone know they are not meeting expectations or that their behavior is alienting the rest of the team. These moments are hard and messy for everyone, especially the first time. Do not be fooled by people who are facing those moments before you. They are just as uncomfortable and nervous as you are. They are going to fumble it as much as you are. They are experiencing it all too- which is one of the many reasons leadership groups are invaluable- and they do it anyway. And so must you.
Once you try the thing for the first time, you will learn from your mistakes and do it better the next time, increasingly so with each subsequent time until you have become efficient at it. And just when you think you have it all figured out, something else will come along that you could not have prepared yourself for and the cycle begins again. That is how this all works.
When I was first starting out as a manager, I, like many other new managers, was petrified of giving feedback. I avoided it as long as I possibly could and then a little bit longer for good measure before finally sitting down with my staff and making a case for the 2009 Academy Award for worst feedback given east of the Mississippi. And then I did it again and again and again until it became something that did not keep me up at night. I cannot say I have ever learned to enjoy it but I have certainly learned not to dread it and I am confident that I do it well. But every so often, another situation arises that I have never encountered before, and I start that cycle all over again. I have accepted that there is no end to this.
Herminia Ibarra discusses this throughout her book, Act Like a Leader, Think Like a Leader. She argues and agrees that, as leaders, there is much we cannot know until we start doing it as managers and in countless other areas of our lives. Excessive thinking and planning are often tactics to avoid actually having to do the thing. We convince ourselves that we need just one more training until we are ready. Just one more assessment, and then we will be confident enough to proceed. But that one more training or that one more assessment is never the answer. You cannot know the answer, Ibarra contends, just by asking the question. You must do your way through to an answer.
Whether you are already a manager or you are working toward becoming one, think about some of the tasks and situations you are likely to encounter. Perhaps one you are currently avoiding. Talk to other supervisors including your own to learn from their experiences, recognizing that many will be similar to what you are about to encounter and that none will ever be exactly the same. Reflect on your hesitations and concerns and ask yourself if you really need more knowledge to proceed or if you just want that to be true. If additional training or support would in fact be helpful, then go get it. If not, it is time to take action. Simple but not easy, I know. But I promise you, in almost every case, it is the only way to become effective. Whether it is finally adressing that big, fat elephant in the room or drawing a long overdue boundary, you will never do it well without doing it in the first place. There is no way to practice ahead of time. You have to accept that this is the process and be willing to go through it. We are here to help.
