Years ago, I moved to South Korea. There were two other American teachers at the school where I worked, and we quickly started meeting people in our new neighborhood. Our first group of Korean friends spoke little English which was significantly more than the handful of Korean words we knew at the time. How we ended up hanging out most nights and how we managed to communicate for hours on end is anybody’s guess (Karaoke helped!)
About a month into our new friendships, it was my birthday and a group of ~ 12 of us went out for Korean barbecue to celebrate. At the end of the night, I waited casually for my friends to split the bill since it was my birthday, but to my surprise, my new Korean friend handed the bill to me. Certain that something had been lost in translation, I did my best to explain the mix-up through hand gestures and facial expressions denoting confusion and incredulousness. But as it turns out, it was a cultural misunderstanding rather than a linguistic one.
In Korean culture, when you have something to celebrate, you do the treating since you already have received good fortune. I was told many times that this was so ingrained in the culture, that its many golfers took out hole-in-one insurance because if they ever actually hit one, they were in danger of going broke from having to buy everyone else celebratory drinks! (I should verify this, but I appreciate the sentiment either way.)
It is in that spirit that I want to share my good fortune with you today, because it is another type of birthday- 6 years of Katherine Spinney Coaching! I am so grateful to celebrate this milestone with you and share that good fortune.
Below are some lessons learned along the way that I hope will support you as you continue to strengthen yourself and grow as a leader.
Over those years, KSC has grown so much, yet with more learning and experience come new levels to learn and experience. As we continue to grow in our work to support you as you grow in yours, I share the following with you. May it help you get to your next level and prepare you for the one after that.
6 Things I Know about Leadership
1. All great supervisors are leaders.
There is no shortage of articles, discussions, memes, and Venn Diagrams about the differences between leaders and managers. I understand what is at the heart of that distinction while remaining confused as to why the topic receives so much attention. Yes, labels matter, and it is important to acknowledge that people can be leaders without supervising other people. But the point I will not concede- so much so that it got me unceremoniously kicked out of a Leadership Facebook group- is that managers aren’t leaders. Because the good ones are. They have to be. There’s just no way around it.
Yes, managing involves a lot of processes and paperwork, but managers are not merely box checkers. Supervising well involves a complex combination of skillsets along with a leadership mindset. You cannot and will not convince me otherwise. Even if you also end up kicking me out of your group.
2. Supervisors need ongoing support.
When I first started Katherine Spinney Coaching, LLC my vision was to support first-time supervisors, but I noticed very quickly that the people coming to my trainings were mostly long-time supervisors. Curious, I would ask these long-time supervisors what motivated them to come to these events designed for first-time supervisors, and the answer was almost always the same- they had never gotten the training they needed or deserved.
This was my experience and remains the experience for the majority of supervisors.
Ideally, supervisors should receive training and support even before they take on their new role. Then once they take on that role, that training and support should be ongoing until they decide they don’t want to be a supervisor anymore. For every supervisor in your organization, make sure they are receiving ongoing support. Every last one of them.
3. Desire is one of the most important and most often overlooked leadership skills.
Most people do not want to be managers. Fewer than 40% in fact. Yet for most high performers, their only opportunity for promotion and higher pay is to become a manager. Wanting to be a good manager is one of the largest determinants in whether or not someone will become a good manager, and people who view management as collateral damage to a higher position and pay cause great harm to their staffs and their organizations.
Further, too many organizations take their best frontline workers away from the work they love and do best to put them into positions they do not want and are not prepared for. These people deserve paths to promotion that do not involve management.
Whether the role is a promotion from within or an outside hire, ensure you are taking the time to find out who really wants to be a manager because they are motivated by serving others.
4. Everyone has leadership potential (but most people don’t want to be managers).
Starting from a young age, teachers, coaches, and parents are quick to point out which children have leadership potential. These tend to be the children who take charge on the playground or do the most work in the study group, and they often do have leadership potential. So do the rest of them.
Though we have come a long way, baby, we still have a long way to go when it comes to who we envision as leaders. The archetype of the charming, extroverted, work the room, tall, white, guy in the nice suit is shifting, but slowly and not in all places.
Though charmers can be effective leaders, charm alone does not a leader make. There are all sorts of other criteria that are far more salient when it comes to leadership, like integrity, clear communication, and empathy.
When it comes to your staff, be welcoming when it comes to leadership opportunities by inviting all to partake and including leadership opportunities that do not involve management. Rather than pigeonholing opportunities for certain people, extend the invitation. You will be surprised at who accepts and really shines once you give them the opportunity.
5. Your effectiveness as a supervisor will be directly correlated to your staff retention.
There are several reasons people leave or stay at a job, and everyone ascribes different importance to each of those reasons. It would be simplistic to say that people stay because of good supervisors and leave because of bad ones. But it wouldn’t be altogether wrong either.
There is a high correlation between staff retention and effective management. Ineffective management isn’t just unpleasant- it is costly. Staff disengagement and turnover increase financial cost while decreasing staff morale and productivity. Ensuring your managers are effective is not just the right thing to do, it is the smart thing to do.
There is a healthy level of annual staff turnover in organizations (the Bureau of Labor Statistics has it at 26.3%) and some people are going to leave no matter how fabulous your management is.
But if your staff turnover is higher than it should be, it is likely a result at least in part to the effectiveness of your management. When choosing and evaluating managers, be sure to develop a system that trains and supports them effectively and removes them when they are not meeting expectations.
6. Your desire to be great must include your acceptance of struggle.
Becoming a strong supervisor is not easy. Most everyone struggles with it, but unfortunately, they don’t tend to share it which prevents other people from sharing it because they don’t realize everyone else is struggling too.
Learning anything new necessarily includes making lots and lots of mistakes along the way. The only way to get to having learned it is to experience those mistakes. This is as true for leadership as it is for learning a language or a new yoga move. The difference with leadership is, you can’t practice it in the safety of your own home. The practicing is in the doing so your mistakes are on full display. The first time you run a meeting, the first time you give critical feedback, the first time you fire someone will all be done in real time. Role plays and planning can help but nothing will fully prepare you for the real thing. It’s just the way it goes, and you have to learn to be okay with that to get to the level of competence and eventually excellence.
6 Things I Wish I Knew about Leadership
1. How to reach people who don’t think they need help.
All of the clients who have come to me on their own were well on their way to becoming amazing supervisors. Not just because they already had a lot of the skills, but because they recognized the importance in seeking support and the commitment to getting better. Everyone can and should benefit from support and I am confident I helped them along the way, but my guess is they would have been leagues above the rest with or without me because they already cared about doing their jobs well. The ones who need it most tend to be the ones who don’t reach out for help. How do we reach them too?
2. How to convince organizations that one-off trainings have limited value.
One-off trainings are attractive for a lot of reasons. They are efficient and much cheaper than investing in long term support. Unfortunately they have limited value. Not because they’re not good trainings, but because of what organizations expect these trainings to do.
If you need training on one specific skill that simply needs steps to be followed, one-off trainings can be great. But one-off trainings on more complex things like communication and emotional intelligence just don’t cut it. They can’t. These types of topics are complex and can’t be figured out or fixed in one session. How can we convince organizations to invest the necessary time and money to provide support that is actually effective?
3. What to do with the whole virtual thing.
The cataclysmic shift to all things virtual in early 2020 was a herculean feat on a massive scale. Three years later, we find ourselves in an unclear space where we can continue to do most things virtually and are not sure whether we should. In many cases, in-person experiences provide so much more value yet the convenience and time / cost saving of doing it virtually is hard to resist.
As a teacher and a trainer much of my work continues online but I am almost certain it shouldn’t. At least most of it anyway. Yes, it is convenient and yes it provides opportunities for people to attend who otherwise couldn’t, but it seems pretty clear that the learning, growth, and connection are worse.
I recognize the value in small group discussion and collaboration, but I have never been in a virtual breakout group where at least one person wasn’t present. In many cases, all members have sat silent, black box, mic off, no contribution. As a result, I have all but eliminated small groups from my sessions at a cost to those who are engaged, I am afraid. Since virtual is here to stay, what do we do with that?
4. How to effectively support financially limited organizations.
They say that people who need love act out in the most unloving ways. Similarly, the organizations who are often struggling the most are in the worst financial position to invest in the support they need to stop struggling. As a small business owner with her own day-to-day financial concerns, figuring out how to provide that support is challenging if not impossible. The Supervisors Circle was essentially born out of this tension and I am confident it provides a lot of value. And I always want to do more. How can we do more?
5. Where the line is.
Management is a great balancing act in countless and varied ways. The key to managing well is learning how to toe that line. And I never know if I am toeing that line correctly. How can you balance fairness and individualization? Availability and boundaries? Support and accountability? The list goes on and on and on. What seems to work with one staff is detrimental to another. It is a constant, complex balancing act and on the toughest days, it feels like I’m constantly tipping over.
6. How to help everyone.
Each of us has our own values, beliefs, communication styles, strengths, challenges, goals, working styles, biases, temperaments, and preferences. As a supervisor, how can we possibly serve everyone in the way they need? Is it even possible? It most certainly feels like it should be, but is it? I honestly don’t know.
6 Things I Wish Everybody Knew about Leadership
1. It takes time.
Most people become managers because they are competent and successful. For many of them, their initial struggles may be the first time they have ever really struggled at anything. This unfamiliar and unwelcome feeling can be overwhelming, yet many people will not reach out for help for fear of appearing incompetent or unqualified.
To everyone out there who is struggling with your role as a supervisor, please know that you are not alone. In fact, almost everyone struggles with it, a lot at the beginning and in countless moments throughout, even after years and years. Management is hard and it takes a long time to do it really well. And even once you do it really well, you will still make mistakes along the way. A lot of them, in most cases. So, give yourself time to learn how it all works and dedicate time to investing in doing it better for as long as you are a supervisor.
2. You do not have to love it every day.
Supervising other people is hard, and some days it can feel like too much. But it should not feel like that all day every day. It should not feel like that for most of your days. If you find that you simply do not like your role as a supervisor, it is important that you be honest with yourself and decide to stop being a supervisor. It is really hard to do a job you do not like, and it is almost impossible to do it well. If you find yourself having more bad days than good ones, explore your options- including leaving management- on how to flip that around, for your sake as well as the sake of your team.
3. You do not have to fake it to make it.
One of the best things you can do to set yourself up for success as a supervisor is to step into your role as a learner and listener. Talk to your staff and really listen to what is working and what needs changing. Resist the urge to jump in and start making changes without the proper context and without the input from your team. Be deeply curious and listen intently to what those around you are saying. Treat them like the experts they are.
Be honest with yourself about where you need to grow. Listen to others as they tell you where you need to grow. Reach out for support and take it. It is a balance, like most other things in management. You do not and should not disclose to your staff every time you do not know something or feel inadequate. But it is okay to admit that you do not know everything and to follow through when you say, “I’ll get back to you on that.”
Faking it is not necessary. It is important to be honest with yourself and your own supervisor, mentor, coach, etc. about how you are feeling. And you need to remind yourself that you were chosen for the position for a reason. What are you bringing to your role? What are your strengths? How can you leverage those to support your team? Lean into those strengths while you become more settled into your new role. But do it all honestly.
4. How to manage scheduling more effectively.
Scheduling is such a bear. It is literally one of my least favorite things on the planet. And while not everyone may have the same depth of aversion to scheduling that I do, most people are overburdened or at the very least annoyed by how clumsy and inefficient it is.
One of the greatest gifts you can give to your staff and other folks you work with is being more effective at time management. From scheduling, to showing up one time, to meeting deadlines, eliminating some of those common and major headaches will be hugely welcome and beneficial to your staff. Share your calendar, use a scheduling tool, start and end meetings on time, answer emails fully and often. Develop habits that serve you and your team well. They make such a difference.
5. How to balance acceptance with constructive feedback.
John Lydgate famously said, “You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.”
When it comes to being a supervisor, this is important advice to remember but a challenge to know when and how to apply it. It is important that you are doing all you can to serve each and every one of your staff. And it is impossible that every decision you make will make every person equally happy or benefit every person equally. This is not a reason or excuse to make all of your decisions by yourself without consideration of or input from others. But it is an important reminder that you cannot please all of the people all of the time.
When it comes to feedback, it is important to be open to listening and adjusting accordingly. And it is important to remember that not all feedback is equally valid. It is okay to disagree. It is okay to pick and choose. But how and in what way is part of that great balancing we talk so much about.
So, when you receive feedback, it is important to listen to it and it is important to be confident and self-assured in what you are doing so that that feedback supports your growth rather than derails it.
6. Being a supervisor is the most important part of your job.
Because many organizations treat a supervisory role as incidental and/or one that people can figure out on their own, so too do many supervisors. This results in poor supervision that negatively impacts staff and the organization.
Being a supervisor is the most important part of a supervisor’s job. There are strong arguments to be made that being a supervisor should be the only part of someone’s job but that is not generally the case. Most supervisors must supervise in addition to all of their other many tasks.
You need to do the best you can to dedicate as much time as you can to supporting your team. The supervisory part of your job is the most important one so make sure you give it all you can and that you strive every day to be the best supervisor you can be.
