When I facilitate workshops at conferences, I try to learn everyone’s name. If there are fewer than thirty people, I can do it fairly easily. Up to forty if I am not too nervous. When my workshop is over, at least one person will comment on this, some in an awestruck tone and others in an appreciative one. Frequently, the comment includes a resigned claim of “I could never do that.”
I used to think so too. As a teacher, knowing my students is an essential part of the work, and that starts with their names– pronouncing them correctly, using preferred ones, and of course remembering them all demonstrate respect and are an essential foundation to relationship building.
In shorter interactions like conference workshops, establishing a connection is still important but there is far less time and, I once believed, not enough of it for even the most foundational component of relationship building- learning someone’s name. Instead, as the poorest of substitutes, I would call on people by pointing or choosing some descriptor: “Red sweater” or “Blonde highlights.” It felt so impersonal, and I kept thinking, “I wish I knew everyone’s name.”
I wish, I wish, I wish.
These wishes did not get me anywhere, as they rarely do. They never came true because I blew out the birthday candles or kept the four-leaf clover and simply left it up to fate.
My wishes convinced me to stay at jobs I did not like (I wish I could leave), not to visit places I wanted to see (I wish I could go) , kept me forgetting people’s birthdays (I wish I could remember) or convinced me that I could never join the Polar Bear club due to my aversion to the cold (I wish I could do that). I wished I could, but I believed I couldn’t. It was just too easy to convince myself.
Then one New Year’s Day as I was walking along the beach in my cold, beautiful New England town, I watched a group of other people jump in the ocean and my thought process went through all the stages of self-convincing in quick succession, “I could never do that. How can they do that? Well, if they can do it, why can’t I? I could do it if I really wanted to. I’m going to do it too.”
And so, I did.
I honestly do not know why or how everything seemed to happen all at once, but the next thing I knew, I was jumping into the absolutely frigid Atlantic Ocean in Boston on New Years Day and it literally changed my life. No longer I wish but I can.
That day changed so much for me, a real-life example of doing rather than wishing. I have used this example countless times when I find myself reverting to old habits of wishing rather than doing. Why can’t I leave that job? Why can’t I go to Hawaii? Why can’t I learn everyone’s name or birthday? What is stopping me?
Just me, as it turns out.
Which led to me committing to learning everyone’s name when I do a new workshop. No great secret. No special talent or skill. Just a willingness to say, “This is important, and I want to commit to doing it better.” I do not do it perfectly, but I am much better at it than when I first started, and I will continue to get better the more I do it. And thankfully, my goal is not perfection.
In almost every workshop I do, I forget a name here or there despite my best efforts. There are still jobs I stay at longer than I want to due to practical circumstances. There are trips I do not take for similar practical reasons. Mindset cannot erase reality. Like in all things, we can only control that which we can control.
This mindset works for so many things. Not everything, of course, but in so much of the work we do, committing to doing what it takes and then doing it is the magic. Not flashy and no wand required, but magic in the sense that it works. It is often as simple as just doing it and finally getting the results you never thought were possible.
As we start a new year, it is important to not simply wish for what you hope to do and be. Instead, you need to do it. The first step is believing you can. I know it is not easy, but it really is that simple.
As this relates to your role as a supervisor, think about how you want to improve and what you want to accomplish this year. Not what you wish but what you are ready to commit to. What is it that you want to be different one year from now? What have you been saying for far too long, I wish that…? What are you ready to change? What are you willing and able to do to make that happen?
Goal setting when dictated by an organization or a supervisor can feel performative or wasteful, irrelevant or unmotivating, unrealistic, or seemingly pointless. If, on the other hand, goals are meaningful and motivating, they serve a much more important purpose. This year, what goals can you choose that will make a difference to you and to your team? What will really help you become a better supervisor?
Like jumping in the ocean on New Year’s Day or remembering other people’s birthdays, what have you told yourself for far too long that you just cannot do, without ever really giving yourself the chance to prove yourself wrong? What “can’t” can you challenge this year? What wish can you turn into a reality?
We are quick to sell ourselves short, declaring ourselves incapable of so many things we could easily do if we only believed we could. So, what will you do this year to become a better supervisor? How can you start today?
**********************************************************************
The Supervisors Circle is a virtual community designed to give you the confidence, connection and resources you need to effectively lead your team in a way that is accessible and affordable (just $19 per month or $199 for the year). Check it out by clicking below.
