Of all the comments I receive regarding my business, by far the most common is how brave I am, or, more precisely, how brave the person thinks I am. Many tell me how much they’ve always wanted to start a business but never have because of…. you name it. The reasons are all a bit different yet somehow the same.
Sometimes they tell me they admire me. Other times, they indicate how foolish they think I am. Whatever the case, I understand what they are trying to say, but I have not yet fully embraced their message. Of course, moving to a new city and starting a business is a risk in many ways, but for me, it has honestly never felt like a brave thing to do. To me, playing it safe and remaining where I was was a far riskier venture.
I remember a few days before I was scheduled to move to Korea to teach English, a decision I made with a shockingly little amount of thought. Suddenly, I started to panic. As I began to doubt what would become one of the most fulfilling times of my life, my mother shared some advice that has stuck with me ever since. “If you don’t like it,” she said, “you can always come back.”
I didn’t come back early from Korea. In fact, I ended up staying for almost four years. But I always knew I could come back, and that completely changed how I approached my time there. It completely changed how I approach most things in my life. Because most things in life, we can just come back. Not always and not always completely, but in most cases, we overestimate what could go wrong, and the fears we create and nurture become far greater in our imaginations than in reality. The risks we take, the mistakes we make, almost always teach us something and help us grow, regardless of their outcome. There is so much to be gained, yet we focus on- we exaggerate- what we could potentially lose. Rarely, if ever, do we think about how much we lose by never taking the chance in the first place.
Not everyone is meant to run a business and not everyone wants to. But most people have a dream or a goal or simply something they want to do. Some will go after those things and others will not. Often, the former decides the risk is worth it and the latter decides that playing it safe is the better option. They are trying to avoid the risk of what could go wrong by taking a chance, but they do not think about what could go wrong by playing it safe. And there are a lot of reasons why playing it safe is the riskier option.
PLAYING IT SAFE LIMITS OUR GROWTH
Anytime we learn something new, we revert to the status of beginner. This can be an uncomfortable place, especially when we are used to being successful. Starting something new inevitably puts us in a vulnerable position because we have to start at the beginning and the only way to learn and move past that beginning stage is to make a lot of mistakes. If we fear these mistakes so much that we decide to avoid them, we never give ourselves the opportunity to move past them and learn something new.
Growth comes in many forms, both personally and professionally. It may involve learning a new skill or trying a new hobby or working on the way we show up to other people. In all cases, this growth is a process. It begins with an acknowledgement of the goal and is followed by the decision to act, the steps to create the change, and the eventual achievement of that goal. The process is generally a long one and we do not always make it to the end. Or we make it to the end, and the result is less satisfying than we had hoped, in which case we declare it a failure or a giant waste of time. But when we do this, we disregard the great value in the attempt.
Even if our ventures do not succeed in the ways we hope, there is great value and learning in the process. This learning may guide us on a second attempt which may prove more satisfying than the first, or it may motivate us to attempt another goal altogether. Whichever direction it takes us, the lessons are plentiful, and a reminder that the decision to take a risk and try something new is a net gain, regardless of the result. Every time we do it, we prove to ourselves that we can, and it becomes easier the next time and the time after that. It helps us build confidence and confront our fears. It is the basis of how we grow, and we cannot grow unless we make the decision to stop playing it safe and risk trying something new.
PLAYING IT SAFE LIMITS OUR OPTIONS
After several unsuccessful years of hoping for a fairy godmother to tell me what to do, I embraced the fact that what was to be was up to me. I had to go after what I wanted and become comfortable with the realization that this would involve a lot of rejection and a lot of perseverance. As I have grown more comfortable over the years, I have learned that rejection stings less and less the more it comes, and it is a necessary part of the process. I still get rejected or turned down or passed over, but what would send me reeling just a few years ago, is now more of a bee sting. There is something really powerful about this. When we embrace that rejection is necessary for success, when we truly embrace that, we can accept it for the blessing that it is, knowing it is getting us to where we want to go.
Whether it is asking someone for help, asking for a raise, or asking a new friend out for a drink, we are constantly given opportunities to make something wonderful happen. In rare, lucky moments, these opportunities come to us but in most cases, we need to make them happen. We need to recognize that there is great possibility on the other side of asking for what we want, which far outweigh the risks of rejection.
When we play it safe, we never give ourselves the chance to explore all the options in front of us. We never know what opportunities are available to us because we are afraid of being told no. We are afraid of looking bold or desperate or needy. We are afraid that someone else’s inability to see our greatness or unwillingness to take a risk on us is an indication of our value and worth. We put conditions on our value and worth based on others’ willingness or ability to see it.
When I started my business and began speaking at conferences, people reached out to me constantly- they still do- to ask me how to get accepted. I am happy I have no better answer than to just apply. That is all I did. Rejection is part of the process and it has led me to opportunities to speak all over the country. I could not do it without reaching out and asking and neither can you.
PLAYING IT SAFE LIMITS OUR JOY
Six years ago, I was walking the beach on New Year’s Day having a conversation with my sister that we had had nearly every New Year of our adult lives. We were talking about the Polar Bear plunge- the annual tradition of people jumping into the ocean on New Year’s Day- and that, because we hated being cold more than almost anything else in the world, we would never do it. Growing up in Boston cemented this as the Atlantic Ocean remains cold throughout the summer, let alone in the middle of a bitter, New England winter.
As we talked, I watched several people partake in the Polar Bear plunge, at first deeming them crazy but eventually admiring them for their courage. How could they do that? What did they have that I did not? I started getting into my own head about it and finally thought, if they could do it, why couldn’t I? So, I called my sister back, told her to meet me at the beach and to bring me lots of blankets. I was jumping in.
Taking the polar bear plunge was one of the greatest thrills of my life. And it was not the act itself (though it literally took my breath away!) It was the fact that I did it. That I had at one time, several times, told myself I couldn’t and then proved myself wrong. That I had built up all these reasons, all these fears, all these images of what could go wrong, but never really thought about the consequences of playing it safe and convincing myself I could not do something I was every bit capable of doing. I did not allow myself the opportunity to think about the rewards, the satisfaction, the benefit of overcoming something I had convinced myself I could never overcome. It gave me a deep sense of pride and accomplishment. I took the risk and was so, so proud of myself for doing it. I still am.
The research backs this up. A German study of over 20,000 subjects found that the more risks people take, the more satisfied they are in life. This holds true regardless of the success of the venture. There is great joy to be found in giving something a shot, in proving to yourself that you can do it, in facing your fears and seeing that in almost every case, they were only paper tigers to begin with. Naming our fears and then taking away their power allows us great opportunity to explore our options, try new things and grow. The process itself is the reward.
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When we decide whether to play it safe or take a risk, we often focus on what could go wrong should we take that risk. We do not spend nearly as much time thinking about all we could gain from such a risk and all we could lose by playing it safe. We choose comfort and familiarity because we think it is easier. But is it? Is it easier to live a life of wondering and longing? Is it easier to constantly want something but settle for something less? Is it easier to wish and want but never do? Is it easier to live with what could have been? Wouldn’t it be a lot easier to take that risk and see? Aren’t you just dying to find out?
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