One of the biggest struggles new managers have is feedback. Whether giving or receiving, most new managers stumble through this part of their role and as a result, do not fulfill it very well. And it makes sense. Few managers receive any training on what it means to be a manager and instead are left to figure it out. This includes understanding the role and the skills required to do it well. Feedback is a skill like any other and if it is not learned, most do not do it naturally well.
“IT’S NOT PERSONAL”
To diffuse the awkwardness and remove some of the sting of critical feedback, many managers fall back on a line they have likely heard their own managers use throughout the years- It’s not personal. Which of course it is. And it should be.
Many people equate feedback with judgment so that is how they deliver it- and receive it. Managers think the role of feedback is to let their staff know unequivocally that what they are doing is good or that it is bad. And even though they deliver said feedback with these judgment-laded terms and observations, they tell the very people whose behavior and even personality they are judging that it is not personal.
But when it is done correctly, feedback is personal- and it should be.
OBJECTIVE FEEDBACK
When it comes to evaluating performance, there are some situations where managers can be completely objective. These include those areas that can be evaluated numerically- e.g., making a certain number of sales or helping a certain number of students graduate high school. There is a clear goal, and it is easy to determine if that goal is met or not. If so, there is recognition. If not, there is a discussion. Either way, this is a type of feedback to let staff know- yes you reached this goal or no you did not.
PERSONAL FEEDBACK
But these situations are far less common than most of the work we do. Most of what we do is far less objective and, in fact, is more personal. When a staff member is asked to give a presentation, for example, the quality of that presentation will be judged in a largely subjective way- Was it engaging? Was it clear? Were the handouts well-done? Subjective, subjective, subjective. Yet, when a manager does take the time to give feedback, they will often attempt to do so objectively- this presentation was boring, or your message was not clear. To whom? To you? Then it is personal. And it should be delivered as such.
Ultimately, the purpose of feedback is to help others grow. As a leader, your feedback should be delivered with this purpose in mind. It is not to keep people in line or make sure they do not break the rules. It is to fulfill your role as a leader by helping them further their growth and development. So, in addition to the conversations about expectations that were objectively met or not, most of your feedback time should be spent collaboratively and openly with your staff about how to achieve that growth.
Sticking with the example of the presentation, if you as the manager feel the delivery was boring, it is important that you recognize that this is your personal opinion. Descriptors like boring, clear, engaging, professional and articulate are loaded and entirely subjective. They need to be presented as such and handled with care. In lots of cases, not used at all.
MORE EFFECTIVE FEEDBACK
If you think your staff’s presentation was not clear, instead of stating objectively that, “Your presentation was confusing and difficult to follow”, you can share your thoughts in a personal way: “At points during your presentation, especially when ___________, I found I was not completely clear with what you were trying to say. Could you help me understand?” You give your staff the opportunity to reflect and clarify. And you work with them to help them with a mindset that you do not know everything and there will be many times when their idea is the better one.
Then you continue, “How did you ensure that your audience understood the main points of your presentation? How did you create space for those who might still be confused?” You work together to come up with ways to make it even better the second time around. This is a much different and much more effective conversation that will help both of you reach your goals.
Think of it in terms of your personal relationships and conversations, like when see a movie with a friend or try a new restaurant with a sibling. Afterwards, you both discuss what you thought, what you liked and what you did not. You recognize that even though you both experienced the same movie or the same meal, you walked away with very different impressions. Personal ones.
Feedback works the same way.
Understanding that there are almost always multiple ways to go about doing something, it is important as a leader to create space where staff can do things differently than you would. And in those moments when you just must have it your way, be clear about that too. Let your staff know, “I know we could choose any color here, but I would really like to make it blue.” Let them know that blue is not objectively the correct or only choice, but that in this instance, you are making an executive decision, and a personal one at that.
When you and your staff are both able to embrace the process of feedback as mutually beneficial and intended to foster growth, it can be a powerful process, but you cannot get there without first recognizing that ultimately, how we view the world and the ways in which we work within it are personal. This is a much more human and natural way to communicate and build relationships. It also helps take some of the pressure off you and your staff from engaging in a judgment-laden exchange meant to determine the worthiness of someone’s performance. Instead, aim to create a collaborative environment in which you are both on the same page about wanting to foster support and growth. In a completely and necessarily personal way.
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