We are faced with countless choices everywhere we go, every minute of the day. From small decisions, like what we will have for breakfast, to bigger decisions like if we should change jobs or finally write that novel we’ve basically already written in our heads. Regardless of the perceived import of the choice, it can be overwhelming to have to constantly think through and decide among what can feel like a limitless number of options. For breakfast, we can eat out or stay home. Coffee or tea. The flowered plate or the blue one. Scrambled or fried. Juice or water. Apple or banana. Nothing terribly consequential one way or the other in the grand scheme of things, but the decisions need to be made nonetheless. I remember my sister describing her wedding planning that way, “I don’t care what shade of white the napkins are,” she shared in a vulnerable, funny-in-retrospect moment, “but I still need to decide.”
Believe it or not, the number that floats around as to how many decisions we make per day is estimated at 35,000! Of course, all of these cannot possibly include a conscious process of weighing options before making an informed decision. Most are “remotely conscious” decisions such as whether to keep reading this post after this sentence. Or this one. Or this one. Our minds are constantly working and thinking and deciding. When it is what we consider a bigger decision, we can spend hours, days, weeks or even our entire lives figuring out what to do. We don’t just want to make a good decision, we want to make the best decision. And it is mostly to our own detriment.
GOING FOR IT WITH YOUR DECISIONS
It is valuable to be thoughtful and intentional when it comes to making decisions, but there is a limit to how much we can know and how much we can learn before actually making that decision. When it comes to what we consider to be our biggest life decisions- where to work, where to live, who to surround ourselves with, whether to have children, etc.- we feel better having done our due diligence, by researching, talking, asking, reading, thinking, praying. We want to make the best decision for ourselves. We believe there is one best decision when we have the power to make any decision an absolutely fabulous one.
The downside of all this thinking is that it has great potential to never end. We can think and talk and pray and research for our entire lives. Literally. There will always be a new piece of information. There will always be someone we haven’t talked to. There will always be another house to look at, another job to apply for, another date to go on. We can explore ourselves into absolute paralysis, resulting in a decision to never truly act- just prepare to. By doing this, we make the decision not to decide and remain exactly where are.
GOING FOR IT WHEN TRYING SOMETHING NEW
When it comes to trying something new, we often use the same approach. We are going to finally overcome our fear of public speaking, but not before attending yet another seminar on how to do it. We are going to put our name down on that open mic list but not before practicing just a little bit more. We are going to start a business but not before we are ready. Really ready. We need to be ready. (How do we know when we’re ready?) We’re going to do it someday. Just not today. We plan ourselves into a safe, warm corner that allows us to avoid our fear of being in a new and vulnerable place. Planning is comfortable. Planning is safe. Doing is a whole different story. Or so we tell ourselves.
The problem with overthinking and overplanning is that you cannot think and plan your way to what can only be achieved through experience. If you want to become better at Portuguese, or the piano, or preparing the perfect pumpkin pie, you have to actually do it. There is only so much reading and thinking you can do before getting out there and doing it. You need to practice, make mistakes, learn from those mistakes and practice again. There is simply no other way to learn. There is simply no other way to make anything happen for yourself. One of the most important decisions you ever make is deciding to finally try.
In addition to all of the mental and physical preparation you will undertake before actually going for it, it is important to prepare yourself for how bad you will likely be when you first start whatever it is that you have finally made the decision so start. Some people are so blindsided by this and so uncomfortable with it that they stop almost as quickly as they began. Don’t be one of these people. You need to go into it knowing that it is going to be hard and awkward. You need to anticipate that it will take a long time to get really good and comfortable, and that you cannot get good and comfortable without first being bad and uncomfortable. You will make so many mistakes that you will quickly lose count. If you choose to process these mistakes as failures, you may be tempted to give up. If you choose to process them as necessary steps to your growth, you are far more likely to keep at it.
WHAT’S STOPPING YOU FROM GOING FOR IT?
What is it that you have been wanting to do but haven’t come around to doing just yet? What is preventing you from doing it? Forget the knee-jerk excuses and defense mechanisms. Really be honest with yourself about what you are avoiding and what it will take for you to go for it once and for all. It is possible that what you need is something practical like money or time, but we all need those, and none of us ever feels like we have enough. More likely, there is a belief, a mindset that is holding you back. What is it? What is your fear? That you’ll fail? What does failing look like? What does it mean to you? Is it that you won’t be good enough? What does good enough mean? Good enough for whom? Is it that it will be hard? As opposed to what? The ache you feel for not doing it? Do you really want to do what it is you say you want to do or is it what you think you are supposed to want? What is it that you truly want?
Start by asking yourself what you really want and be honest. Once you are clear on that, ask yourself what is preventing you from doing what you say you want to do? How will you overcome it? What do you need? Who do you need? What are you waiting for?
People often equate bold decisions with bravery but I’m not sure that is entirely true. It does take a level of courage to make a big decision and to go for something new, but to me, more than being brave, going for it is being practical. If you have a goal you want to achieve, whatever that goal is, the only way to achieve it is to go for it.
Whatever your goal is, I encourage and support you to make it happen for yourself. Figure out the fear you have created that is preventing you from going for it and prepare your breakup speech. Think of all the fears you have faced in the past and how powerless they have all become once you chose to face them. This current fear and every one after is no different. The minute you throw water on it, it melts. Get your water ready. It’s time.
