The men’s annual NCAA basketball tournament, March Madness, has been around since 1939. There have been changes to it throughout the years, of course, but one thing remained the same for the first 78 years of its existence. A team with the lowest possible ranking of #16 had never beaten a team with the highest possible ranking of #1. When the tournament was first televised in 1969- and every year since- commentators would note that a team ranked #16 had never beaten a team ranked #1. And this remained true for 78 years. Until 2018, when it finally happened- a team ranked #16 (UMBC) beat a team ranked #1 (UVA). The sports world nearly imploded.
It was an embarrassment of riches, not just because it was such a huge upset, but because it was the first time in history that it had ever happened. For all we know, it may be the last. And until it happens again- if it ever does- UVA men’s basketball will forever be known as the only team in NCAA men’s basketball history ranked #1 to lose to a team ranked #16. They would become a punchline, a cautionary tale, a final question on Jeopardy. It would become their legacy. If they chose that path.
Such dramatic losses in sports history are not soon forgotten. You don’t have to be a sports fan to have heard of the Bills losing four consecutive Super Bowls, or the Red Sox going 86 years between championships or the Patriots’ perfect season becoming a lot less perfect after an unbelievable catch from which I will never fully recover. These losses become part of our folklore and easy fodder for opposing fan bases. And as fans, we are not the only ones who struggle to move past such dramatic losses. Players, coaches and teams struggle to regain confidence and focus. There is a poignant scene from ESPN’s 30 for 30 about the Buffalo Bills’ four consecutive Super Bowl losses. Some former players are rewatching the first such loss (after who knows how many times), and as the kicker misses the last-second field goal that would have won the game, 
one of them says- almost whispers- “Every time I watch it, I still think he’s going to make it.” Nearly 30 years later. In more extreme cases, athletes, like Rhonda Rousey, have publicly admitted to contemplating suicide after a particularly crushing loss. For many athletes, their athletic identity is so much a part of their self-identity, that they equate a loss to a personal failure. They identify themselves as failures.
Which is exactly what the UVA men’s basketball team could have done.
Just one year after becoming the laughing stock of the sports world, UVA was once again ranked #1 and every mention of their team leading up to this year’s tournament seemed to include a reminder of the previous year’s historic loss. This only intensified when, halfway through their game with another team ranked #16, UVA found themselves behind by 6 points. The pundits were salivating at the possibility of yet another crushing defeat.
It’s hard to know what was going through the minds of the young players and their young-ish coach at that moment, but we do know that they had a choice to make. And make no mistake about it, it was a choice. Not just regarding their play, but regarding their character and self-belief. In that moment, they could have started panicking, stressing, worrying about repeating the nightmare of the year before. They could have lost faith in themselves and each other. They could have pointed fingers and placed blame. They could have lost again.
But they didn’t.
The team went on to win that game and the subsequent five earning the schools’ first men’s national basketball championship in its storied history.
As a society, we are finally beginning to embrace that mistakes and failure are a necessary part of growth and learning, but we still have a long way to go both individually and collectively. It is challenging for many of us to make this shift and welcome such mistakes with full appreciation and acceptance. Many of us continue to personalize these mistakes and use them as reasons to disparage and discredit ourselves. In many cases, we equate our failures with who we are. We tell ourselves that we are failures, and we allow ourselves to believe it. And it does not serve us in any capacity.
Sports are commonly used to illustrate life lesson’s, often to the point of cliché and tedium, but with good intention and reason. We do this because sports are a large part of our culture, and the lessons they impart can easily be applied to life. In this case, the UVA men’s basketball team- the national champion UVA men’s basketball team- taught us that our circumstances and setbacks do not dictate who we are and what we can accomplish- our choices do. They could have told themselves that they were no good and they could have given up as a result. They could have chosen to interpret the loss as a reflection of their talent, value and worth. They could have deemed it as a blown opportunity instead of an opportunity for growth. They could have chosen to access resignation, self-pity and doubt. They could have quit. But instead, they chose to react how they did. They figured out what went wrong. They learned from their mistakes. They continued to trust and rely on each other. They came back stronger than before. And they won it all. The UVA men’s basketball team decided that their devastating loss of 2018 would not define them. Instead, they chose their own ending. You have this choice too.
When you make a mistake, what do you tell yourself? What meaning do you attach to it? Do you let it define who you are or do you use it to move forward? Do you consider mistakes setbacks or as necessary steps to move forward? Do you allow mistakes to challenge your self-worth or to reinforce your strength and resilience? Do you do everything you can to avoid making mistakes or welcome the opportunity to push yourself and grow? Do you believe mistakes hinder your ability to reach your goals or do you appreciate their necessity in helping you reach them?
It is all too easy to let our mistakes slow us down, but it is just as easy for us to use these mistakes to move us forward and help us grow. We get to choose the meaning, value and lesson we assign to our mistakes. You get to choose the meaning, value and lesson you assign to your mistakes. You can choose to beat yourself up every time you make a mistake, or you can practice gratitude that you are that much closer to your growth and learning. You can continue to try and avoid making mistakes (which is impossible, by the way) or you can welcome these mistakes as necessary components of growth. The next time you make a mistake and you find yourself beating yourself up, ask yourself how that serves you? Then, try to reframe the situation and ask yourself what you’ve learned and how it will help you reach your goal. One way of thinking will slow you down while the other will keep you right on track. Which way are you trying to go?
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