After my first-year anniversary of being in business, I made a long list of things I should try in year two that I hadn’t tried in year one for any number of reasons. Some of these reasons revolved around lack of knowledge or opportunity, but most of them were centered in fear. I was perfectly brave and willing to try those things which were comfortable and easy, but the ones that made me feel awkward, inadequate or insecure just hung there. I wanted to try and conquer these for the sheer thrill and importance of conquering them, but practically because it would be good for my business. Year two would be my test, my year of experimentation. My final list had 14 items on it ranging in difficulty, time required and level of fear. It included smaller, not technically or emotionally challenging items like starting a Facebook group (done), to more time consuming ones like publishing a book (not even started) to the more emotionally challenging ones like giving my first keynote (working on it). It was an ambitious but doable list, and it was time to get to work.
Now that we are 2/3 of the way through the year, I am happy to say that I have tried 4 items on my list with varying levels of success. Which is better than nothing, I suppose, but in the spirit of honesty, I very clearly chose to complete those items that were easiest for me. I gravitated to those things that were well inside my comfort zone and occasionally just on the outskirts of it. But looming on that list and in the back of my mind are those remaining 10 items- the ones I know would be good for my business but that I really, really do not want to try. I continue to be overwhelmed by not knowing where to begin or I am simply scared to venture into the unknown. Mostly it’s both.
And then this week, for different reasons and under different circumstances, I am going to cross off three more. Three of the biggies. Three of the ones I have been avoiding the most. The first is the submission of my first government proposal (sent today!), the second is the creation of my own Meetup group (first get together this afternoon) and the third is making my first video (shoot scheduled for tomorrow). It has been as exhilarating as it is nerve wracking but it has undoubtedly been important. Running a business or a marathon or a household each presents its own set of opportunities and challenges. Some components will come easily to us and others will be hard to confront. But the confronting is essential to our success and our growth. Facing our fears, regardless of the size or form or outcome, builds a mentality and approach within us that says, I can do this. I know I can do this. And if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. But I at least have to give it a try. I am not going to let my fear stop me.
I had been avoiding each of these three items for different reasons, mostly centered in fear and letting myself become overwhelmed with logistics. The logistics are merely excuses of course. We use them all the time. We rationalize and convince ourselves that the reasons we don’t do the thing we say we want to do are practical and justified. We explain to our friends (as we try to convince ourselves) that we would do the thing we want to do but are avoiding it because (insert rational reason). Our capacity to come up with such excuses is some of our most creative work. And our friends, with the best of intentions, nod their heads and say, “I totally understand. Things are just SO busy.” If we are lucky, we have a friend- or a coach- in our lives who says, “What’s really holding you back from doing this? What’s the real reason?”
If we are able to be honest with our friends, and more importantly with ourselves, we can easily come up with the answer. In most cases, I presume, the reason is fear. The fear of what may vary, but it is fear just the same. Fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, fear of losing money, fear of losing credibility…In my case, my three fears were:
THE FEAR
The fear of submitting the grant stemmed from a lack of confidence in being able to secure it. I had never written a grant for my company before and I didn’t really know where to begin. I was concerned about investing all that time for something I might not get anyway. But when I allowed myself to dig a little deeper, the fear of rejection was lurking. What if not getting it was a sign that I didn’t deserve it, that my business just wasn’t good enough. And, financially, what if a rejection confirmed my deepest fear- that I would not be able to keep this business viable. That my dream, my hard work, the time spent rearranging my entire life to make this happen, was all for nothing.
WHY I FINALLY FACED IT
So, what propelled me to finally do it? An opportunity presented itself that I simply could not pass up. It was a grant that would allow me to support the precise group of clients I feel most called to work with. The amount of money was potentially business and life changing. The potential for growth was so great that it overcame my fear of being rejected. I had to take a deep breath and a deep look at myself and simply do it. I realized that if I did not take a chance that really was not that all that risky but could potentially launch my business, I was not meant to be a business owner. My work is based on helping other people overcome their obstacles and get themselves unstuck. It was time for me to listen.
THE SHIFT IN SELF-TALK
Language is powerful and the stories we tell ourselves become real whether or not they are based on anything factual, rational or true. When positive, these thoughts guide us through a life of possibility and growth. When negative, these thoughts are damaging and hold us back from reaching our goals and becoming our best selves. When we learn to shift our self-talk from the limiting to the limitless, we learn to shift who we are and what we do. In this case, I shifted my own self-talk from, “What if I don’t get it?” to “What if I do?” I shifted, “I’ve never done this before” to “This is a great way to learn.” I shifted, “I don’t even know where to begin” to “I know lots of people who have written these. Let me reach out.” I shifted from “I can’t do this” to “I can do this”.
THE FEAR
Since I started my business, I have been told repeatedly how beneficial and impactful Meetup groups can be. They provide an opportunity to meet new people face to face and build relationships that may lead to partnerships and increased business. My fear in dong so circled around logistics. Does it cost money? Would I have to pay for space? Should I do a discussion or a group coaching session? Would it be better to hold it at night or during lunchtime? What about parking? What if no one shows up? My deeper fear was, it takes me time to feel comfortable around new people and I am not comfortable with the unknown. The thought of meeting an unknown number of unknown people and trying to facilitate a successful group felt like too much to expect of any one person.
WHY I FINALLY FACED IT
For this, I must thank one of my clients. Her sessions were running low and her company who was paying for them was on a spending freeze. They would renew my contract in a few months but that left a gap. As much as I enjoy working with her, my business model does not function on giving my work away for free. We brainstormed ways to get through the next few months when my client asked if I had any groups of sessions coming up that she could attend. And there was my opening. I could pilot my meetup group with her and work through all the logistics of parking and location and Wi-Fi. She provided a safe and comfortable bridge to test the waters of this uncomfortable thing that I really wanted to do but really felt unsure about. So, with the padding and encouragement I needed, I set up the Meetup group. Sixteen people joined and today we had our first get together. The only two people who showed up were my client and I. And it was glorious. Parking was smooth. The food was wonderful. Wi-Fi was fast. And the discussion was great. I can officially say I started my own Meetup group, and I honestly cannot want for the next session.
THE SHIFT IN SELF-TALK
I shifted, “What do I do about finding a place?” to “I’m committing to spending Monday afternoon researching and checking out potential meeting spots.” I shifted, “What if no one shows up?” to “This is something I’ve been wanting to try and even if our gatherings are small, it is a chance to meet new people and continue to work with my client in a way we both feel good about.” I shifted, “It feels kind of awkward” to “It is going to feel so good just to make this happen” (and it did!) I shifted “What if no one shows up- how embarrassing” to “What if no one shows up- no one will ever know”. I shifted “This feels so uncomfortable” to “This won’t feel uncomfortable once you just bloody do it!” (And it didn’t!)
THE FEAR
Perhaps my biggest fear has revolved around doing video. Despite a nearly universal acceptance that, in 2018, video is the best way to reach potential clients and partners, I have avoided this one with every fiber of my being. I like to argue that writing is a more powerful way to connect with people and that I should continue to focus my energy there. I like to further argue that, because I do not enjoy video, there must be countless others like me and I will focus on connecting with them. None of this is true, of course, but it did serve to placate me accordingly. Truthfully, logistics once again came into play. Do I need to buy equipment? How do you edit? Would I have to purchase software? But deeper than that was the old familiar fear of something new and uncomfortable. Additionally, my lifelong aversion to seeing and hearing myself on film was a giant factor. Issues of insecurity and not being quite whatever enough had deep roots. This one, like most of fears, is a work in progress.
WHY I FINALLY FACED IT
I met a lovely woman at a conference who was also starting her own business. We hit it off right away and decided to meet up after the conference. During a lunch that reaffirmed our initial connection, we began brainstorming how we might be able to collaborate. As our list of potential collaboration opportunities grew, one of us mentioned doing video and we both had a similar adverse reaction. We both admitted to recognizing the value but avoiding it due to discomfort and fear. After some mutual convincing, we decided that this was a great opportunity to face that fear together. We committed to creating a video together without much expectation outside of getting over the fear of doing this damn thing. We film tomorrow night.
THE SHIFT IN SELF-TALK
I shifted from, “I hate the way I look on camera” to “I am my own worst critic, and if I have something valuable to say, people won’t care what I look like.” I shifted from “I have no idea how to even begin to do video” to “The internet is a beautiful thing. Let’s figure out how to do this.” I shifted from “I really, really don’t want to do this” to “This is a huge opportunity to connect with people and better my business”. I shifted from “I don’t have to do this if I don’t want to” to “I don’t have to do this but I want to try it”. I shifted from “I am uncomfortable doing this” to “I can push through the discomfort”.
************************************************************
I’d like to say that I was able to face all these fears on my own but really, it was the support, ideas and push from other people that got me over the hump. And so what? The point is to face those fears however we can. Some we will be able to do on our own, and others will require the support of others. Whatever it takes, do that.
So far, I have come out the other end unscathed. Regardless of how these actions affect my business, there has been great joy and accomplishment in simply trying the things I had been so scared to try. That, in and of itself, will do wonders for my business not only because it will build my confidence but because it will propel me to take another risk the next time around. Proving to myself that I can face my fear and overcome it will help me do it over and over again. As Jack Canfield said, “Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” I can’t wait to find out!
One Response