We place a lot of stock in self-awareness. Which is a good thing. Being self-aware is essential for growth and for relating to other people and the world in a way that is honest, kind, and empathetic. As a supervisor, self-awareness is central to your ability to support and lead your team effectively.
But like us, it is flawed.
Despite our best intentions, research shows that, while 95% of people believe themselves to be self-aware, only about 15% actually are. We are completely unaware of how self-aware we are (or, more accurately, are not).
The ramifications of this are significant and everywhere in both our personal lives and our professional ones.
I think about this often in the work I do with supervisors and managers. Although I am confident that I can support those who reach out, I can’t help but wonder if the ones who need that support the most are the same ones who are not self-aware enough to realize it. That the people who really need to be in the room will never even bother to open the door.
In the same way, it is difficult to work on being self-aware if you already think you are. How can you know for sure? There are certainly self-assessments, as there are for everything else, and like all self-assessments, there is value in these alongside the limitations. I have to assume that a self-assessment on self-awareness is particularly limiting.
Whether you choose to take a self-assessment or not, the first crucial step in becoming more self-aware, is in being self-aware about your self-awareness and recognizing that it is far more likely that you are in the 85% of those who are not sufficiently self-aware than you are to be in the 15%. This is not a criticism or an attack. It is a statistical probability that can be extremely beneficial to you in your growth as a leader.
You need to recognize that you are almost certainly not as self-aware as you think you are (again, welcome to the rest of the human population!) and then decide if you want to do something about it. As a leader, make the decision that you will do something about it. You owe it to those you lead.
Then you need to start intentionally thinking about and challenging the beliefs you hold, the actions you take, and the impact of your leadership on others. This is an ongoing process that will require rededication time and time again.
Throughout this process, you need to involve others. No matter how self-aware you become, there are always blind spots. Again, this is not a formal accusation, and it is not personal. The most enlightened and self-aware of us can never know what it is like to be on the other side of who they are.
Being open to really listening and understanding how you impact other people is crucial, and it can be really, really hard. It is natural to be anxious, defensive, and hurt by what people share. It is easy to want intentions to be enough, but they are not. They matter, but they are not enough. To truly grow as a leader, you need to be open to hearing about the impact of your intentions.
Everyone you work with has an experience of working with you. These are all different, at least slightly, and in some cases drastically so. Listening to their experiences of working with you will likely yield different pieces of feedback and probably some contradictory ones. To one person you may be too micromanage-y and to another a bit too distant. For one person on your team, you may communicate clearly, and to another, you may be confusing and difficult to understand.
So, what does all this say about you?
Are you a micromanager or are you distant?
Are you a clear communicator or not?
Yes and no. Or maybe. It depends.
Self-awareness is an acceptance that how you see yourself will always be a bit off (and sometimes a lot off) from how others see you and that you are a different you to different people in different ways.
Of course, the end goal is not simply to understand this. Instead, the purpose of this self-awareness is to do something about it. As a leader, your role requires that you adjust to the needs of those you lead, and you cannot do that without first being willing.
A large part of self-awareness is in recognizing that you cannot figure it all out on your own and instead need to hear directly from those affected by you. To do this you need to seek feedback from those you work with– your boss, your colleagues, and most importantly, your team. To be effective, this needs to be an ongoing part of your work together, rather than isolated questions during moments of evaluation. You need to create a culture where you are comfortable hearing what other people have to say about you and then doing something about it.
This needs to start with you. Although some staff and colleagues may be comfortable telling you about yourself, most will require an invitation. To accept it, they will need proof from you that you sincerely want to hear what they have to say and that you are going to do something positive with that information. This will take time and trust. A lot of it. Probably way more than you would prefer, but it is understandable. Most people do not want to hear about themselves, and most of us have had negative experiences when we have responded to an invitation to be honest only to have it later held against us. Some of us have had experiences where someone was willing to listen but then did not do anything about it. It will take time to show that you are sincere.
As you create this culture, it opens the proverbial door for those around you to work on their self-awareness as well. You are modeling for them how to do it. You can coach them on how to do it. They can coach you too. You can commit to doing the work together, in one big self-awareness snowball that continues to grow and grow.
None of this is easy and there is no step-by-step formula, but there are some guidelines to help you along the way. These include many of the same principles that are a necessary part of effective leadership- committing to doing the job well, focusing on relationships, working on clear communication and expectations, listening and involving those you lead, being open and honest about what you are trying to do, and investing in doing it better.
Step 1? Accepting that you are almost certainly not as self-aware as you think you are. Welcome to the rest of us! Next is committing to doing the work. Are you ready?
