Most people are promoted to manager because of their individual accomplishments. Once there, this focus on the individual often shows up in a completely different way. For many, becoming a leader brings with it an unexpected experience of isolation and loneliness.
You have undoubtedly heard it said that it is lonely at the top. It turns out, this is more than a cliche. Over half of CEOs admit to having experienced this loneliness, 61% of whom believe it hinders their performance. And it is not just CEOs. Leaders at all levels experience isolation and loneliness, and the negative impacts of this are far-reaching.
Feeling lonely and isolated is not just a feeling that negatively impacts the individual leader (though it most certainly does that). It also negatively impacts those the leader supervises as well as the work itself. Loneliness and isolation lead to diminished health and performance, increased burnout, and ongoing staff turnover, to name a few.
The logical approach to alleviating loneliness is community. We know this personally and socially. When people are feeling lonely, common advice is to join a club, try online dating, start volunteering…any number of ideas that connect us with other people. But we do not always make this same logical conclusion professionally. Often, leaders suffer in silence or, when they express their loneliness, are met with empty platitudes or commiserating that that is just the nature of it all.
It is true that alleviating loneliness in our professional lives looks different than in our personal ones. There are more boundaries and implications to consider. There are limitations to the types of conversations and interactions leaders can have with those they lead as well as others in the organization and outside of it. When they are middle managers they are further hindered by an obligation to protect information to and from those above them and those below them with unwritten rules about what kind of communication and relationship is acceptable.
When we are part of a team, this community and connection is natural and can develop without much coaxing or maneuvering. When you are the leader of the team, you remain a part of it but in a much different role. All of a sudden, the boundaries and unwritten rules are different. You are both part of and separate from that team. You are necessarily excluded from many of the conversations and interactions, and the repercussions of this can be significant. Without another other source of connection and support, it will only get worse.
Although the logistics are different, the logic remains the same. Alleviating loneliness requires community. Leaders experiencing loneliness and isolation need the opportunity to lead and grow in community.
To create this community, organizations must be intentional and committed to implementing what works, being flexible to adjust to the unique needs of each leader. They can start when leaders are promoted or hired by assigning a mentor who can help with the transition as well as provide the leader someone to talk to during those challenging first days and the many challenging days thereafter.
Organizations must also ensure that all leaders are leading effectively and providing the supervision and support that their staff- including other leaders- deserve and need.
Providing a coach, either internally or externally is another great way to enhance connection and provide an outlet for leaders to share their concerns and receive support and encouragement.
Perhaps one of the most impactful strategies to help alleviate leadership loneliness is to create ongoing learning and growth groups or cohorts of other leaders to provide a consistent source of support. These groups- whether internal or external- should meet on a regular basis and provide space for leaders to share their questions, concerns, and successes with one another. This ongoing source of support will help leaders feel connected and reassured that they always have a group of fellow leaders to share and grow with. Just knowing such a group exists can go a long way toward building that sense of connection.
When I first started running virtual courses, I thought the students would be most excited about the content and the opportunity to learn at their own pace. But group after group had the same feedback. While they enjoyed the content and the self-paced aspect, they most enjoyed the weekly discussions where they had the opportunity to connect with and learn from others. Almost all of them mentioned how isolated they felt and how wonderful it was to connect with other leaders experiencing the same things. Or course it was and of course it is!
Community for leaders must be created and sustained. By creating an ongoing group of fellow leaders in addition to a mentor, a coach, and an effective supervisor, you can help prevent many of those experiences of loneliness from happening and alleviate others when they do.
For these reasons and more, we have created a new online community, The Supervisors Circle, designed with the purpose of connection. Yes, there are wonderful resources, and we know they will serve you well, but we fully recognize that connection and growing together is at the center of it. The Supervisors Circle provides the opportunity for you to connect with other leaders through a robust forum, live events, and a section for supervisors to share their wisdom and encouragement with other leaders. The goal is to alleviate that leadership loneliness and provide a community of respite and support.
We hope you consider joining us.
